Los Angeles

San Francisco

Santa Ana

St. Augustine

San Antonio

Santa Maria

Santa Clause

January

Saturday

Mercury

Venus

Mars

Jupiter

Saturn

Neptune

Pluto

Luna

St. Patrick's Day

St. Valentine's Day

Adam's Apple

What do all these things have in common? Simple: religious brainwashing.

Every single one of those names, some of cities, some of holidays, some of planets and days of the week, are derived from pagan religions. Los Angeles? The Angels. San Francisco? Saint Francis. And what are angels and saints? Religious figures. Whatever happened to Separation of Church and State?

I find these names offensive. As the one and only person in America who does, I hereby start a movement to have three-hundred-million people forcibly conform to my opinions by demanding the Supreme Court to change these names, thus spending hundreds, if not thousands of America's tax dollars (but don't worry; it's for a righteous cause!).

I also move to have religious discussion pulled from public schools. Who do the government think they are, making us learn religion and the history of religion in a federally funded institution? The Founding Fathers made Separation of Church and State to keep religion away from the public eye as much as possible, and I say we get back to that! Hell, they're even making religion a part of history! Can you believe that?!

And don't even get me started about the Alphabet! Take a look at this:

That is the letter "T". Look familiar? It should!

That is the Cross, a religious symbol.

Religion has even made its way into our alphabet. I move to change our alphabet to a more secular styIe without such blatantly obvious and outdated figures.

But wait! It gets worse!

That is a picture of the moon.

That is a picture of the crescent moon symbol of Islam, a religion.

The Moon is nonsecular. Therefore I demand we block view of the moon and prevent NASA from ever going there as long as they use government money for their programs.