Don't touch me. I need to bathe in scalding hot holy water in order to cleanse myself of this abomination.

I mean, what the hell? What. The. Hell. I already knew that Robert Downey, Jr. looked completely not like Holmes (I know he's a fictional literary character, but still, Downey, Jr. is NOT him), but I still managed to hold onto some hope for the movie.

And then this. . .thing came out, apparently expecting me to like it. What the hell did they do? They made Holmes (just Holmes, mind you) into some drunken lunatic. His younger, less wisened days, perhaps? NO! Because, for one thing, Holmes wasn't like that when he was young!

And the explosions and the slow-mo and the godforsaken "action". . .what the hell?

The ONLY thing that looked remotely decent in that trailer was Watson. That is IT. And he appears to be the voice of reason character, ala Alfred from Batman, to stabilise an overemotional Holmes.

THAT'S NOT ****ING WATSON'S JOB!

WATSON'S job is to point out some obvious detail, thus leaving room for Holmes to go "What are you, stupid?" in the most civilised way possible before completely blowing every previous theory out of the ****ing water with a ****ing fingernail or some ****.

It seems they've turned an honest cIassic masterpiece into a generic "shoot 'em up and **** 'em up" ****-pile of excessive action and sex, all delivered by a dumbass underdog protagonist who learns maturity and wisdom and some cheesy "life lesson" **** during the last ten minutes of the movie.

I cannot fathom how this movie will ever possibly succeed. I know some movies surpass the expectations given by their trailers (Drag Me to Hell), but honestly, NO. JUST. NO.