I thought that I was finished mocking Express' seemingly untargeted advertisements and promotions. The joke was getting old. Maybe lack of sleep is getting to me, but its latest e-mail promotion has me laughing.

More than the one from last month offering a free panty with no purchase necessary.

This new e-mail promotion, entitled "Be the first to shop the New Express Sexy Stretch + new reductions $9.99 and up," tells me that the online exclusive New Express Sexy Stretch is "our most flattering fabric yet in eight exclusive styIes... we're bringing back sexy" (ellipses in the original e-mail) and suggests that I shop now.

Thanks for acknowledging that I am among the elite by offering me the opportunity to be the first to wear your Sexy Stretch, Express, but I have to decline. This is not my styIe.

I have no desire to wear any of these eight exclusive styIes.

My styIe is men's clothing.

And when did sexy go away? Since I started receiving promotional e-mails from Express in September, I have been made aware that I can "steal the spotlight" with The Little Black Dress because "if sexy has a color, it must be black;" that sexy racerbacks and halters for her are among "this season's must-have vests;" that "the season's sexiest jeans are worn;" that leggings are "one sexy styIe with countless sexy options;" that lace, shine and shimmer make The Little Black Dress (apparently a different The Little Black Dress) "a whole new sexy;" that "the season's sexiest neckline" can be found on the cowl-neck sleeveless blouse, cowl-neck sexy basics tee and cowl-neck sweater dress and that sexy, silk essentials for her are available "in every color under the sun."

Now you're telling me, Express, that you are bringing sexy back. I didn't know that sexy was gone, and you, Express, are responsible for giving me that impression.