Welcome to Tsug's Guide to the Fanboy Wars! It may be "System Wars, not fanboy wars," but we all know that's a load of bull.

Okay....for the second time, I had the minor groups section all typed, I went to submit, and.....I lost connection. Did I mention this is tthe second time this happened?

So pardon me when I say....

ADFRGHASLIUE DFHAWOIEGBFAWHNEL FTHAWEBGVFINH FAEFAJWIFGwihi awefuiawhfipo awhfyhawh iroawejrhu!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!

....Okay. I'm going to do the hermits now, the others later....

Sheep: The brilliant, strikingly handsome true gamers and Nintendo fanboys. :P

Strengths:

We don't pick fights we can't win. Sheep have been described as "the pacifists of SW" because we don't often compete in the heated 360 vs. PS3 graphics debates. We know where we should prioritize, and we know how to play to our strengths.

We rarely get caught with our pants down. Sheep, and I think even non-sheep will agree, are the least hypocritical of the fanboy groups (with the exception of the minor groups - I'll get to that later). Now, this of course varies from sheep to sheep, but in general we are harder to get hit by something we said than the other fanboy groups.

We play some tight defense. The Wii gets attacked a lot, so naturally sheep are pretty good at defending our console of choice. We haven't been hated out of SW yet!

We have the champion extreme ultra-funky dy-no-mite champion of System Wars, me. And really, with this muscle on your side, how can you go wrong?

Okay, so basically, we're nice guys most of the time, but mess with us and we'll kick your ass to hell and back. But the sheep defense is not impenetrable, and we have one other big problem.

Weaknesses:

We're harmless as a kitten. Sheep may defend like champs, but when comes to attacking another console, I find that I'm the only one on the front lines! Sheep,we gotta be more aggressive.

We give credit where credit isn't due. Sheep, there's a reason people are laughing at your lists of playable Wii games. Why do you have Tiger Woods and Harry Potter on there? Reduce the size of your lists, and play to your strengths. We're good at that.

We take flamebait hook, line, and sinker. The Wii is a common target for flamebait, and we have to ignore it more than we do, myself included. It just makes us look silly.

Lemmings: The current kings of the hill. But not for long! :twisted:

Strengths:

Grrrrrrrr! Lemmings are the most aggressive of the fanboy groups, probably because the 360 doesn't need much defending.

They got the numbers. There are more lemmings in SW than any other fanboy group. Cut one down, and two will take its place. If they worked together as well as the hermits do, they could take over the world, or at least colonize Jupiter.

They aren't above alliances...or breaking them. Even with their numbers, lemmings still need a little help sometimes. We had Wii60, and with the Wii's success, the next trend seems to be PS360. While I may despise them for attacking us at our weakest, it was a strong move on their part. Cows...you're next! :twisted:

So lemmings are numerous and aggressive, and deceitful. They make a nice villainous race, but grab your Sword of Light and cut through the lermming horde, and you'll find that they aren't all powerful.

Weaknesses:

Hermits hold the key. Lemmings fall apart against hermits. Need proof? Their lamest argument by far is "console exclusive." Ha!Not to mention that against hermits, they don't have graphics, games, or god forbid, sales, on their side.

You can't have it both ways. The 360 doesn't need much defending, but occasionally there'll be a hardware issues thread," or, say, a "Forza 2 is crashing ****!" thread. That's when, apparently, all the lemmings are on vacation.

Lemmings don't make friends. What with their aggressiveness, alliance breaking, and general bad attitude. Do they need friends? Apparently so. The way I see it, there won't be another Wii60 for a loooooong time.

Cows: C's up. Or are they?

Strengths:

Balance is key. If sheep are the defenders and lemmings the aggressors, then cows are in the middle. For the most part, they know when to call out a rival group on BS, and when to stay in theirt own threads and gaze at Lair pics.

They aren't so boring when hyping stuff. Sheep have The Big Three. Lemmings have Halo 3, Mass Effect, blah blah blah. Cows don't rely on three or four guaranteed AAAs, they hype a bunch of stuff. Now, this may not always turn out the way they'd like, (Resistance, Motorstorm) but you got to give it to 'em for their diverse hyped games.

Don't call it a comeback. The fact that cows are here, let alone so many, after E3 '06, is a sign of perseverance. They got massively hated out, but they're back. That's either determination or they're like, some cockroach-cow hybrid, that can survive a bombing. Awesome.

Cows are an interesting bunch that give quite a bit to SW,and are apparently part-cockroach. What could possibly be wrong with insectoid bovines? This.

Weaknesses:

There be fakers in their midst. Fakeboys like being cows because of all of Sony's ridiculous crap that they can pretend to stand behind and defend to the death. Cows have a bad rep mostly because of these morons.

Damage controooooool! Sony gives lemmings and sheep all kinds of ammo against cows, there seems to be bad news every couple of weeks at least. Now I know I bashed lemmings for doing this, but sometimes it's better to just say nothing at all. Cows, I don't want to hear you saying anything defending Tretton's little "bet" about the PS3's on shelves.

Anything better? Most will agree that in general, cow arguments aren't great. Like "360 + everything = more expensive" or "let's rely on the Cell until it becomes a lemming standby mock-quote!" or "the PSP did alright...you know...it's not like it was hyped massively, or anything..." or the oh-so-lovely "Bias! Bias! Bias!" or...

The Minor Groups.

Hermits: PC fanboys, and the biggest minor group by, *ahem* FAR. They probably shouldn't be considered a minor group, but the reason I put them here is because they don't really participate in the System Wars game. No sales, no hype (Crysis being an exception), no uncertainty of success. (the doofuses [doofi?] who say PC gaming is dying don't count) They're just kind of...there. Plus, they did get hated out...

Strength:

Unity. The second someone makes a negative comment about PCs, you can bet it'll be attacked by every hermit that ever was and ever will be. If they need to defend their platform, they're all there. If they need to call out some lemming crap, they're all there.

Weakness:

Beware the Grrrmits! Hermits fall for flamebait just as much if not more than sheep, and they take misinformation very seriously. I call their enraged state "Grrrmit Mode." When you see grrrmits, run, or everything you say will be ripped to shreds!

Next up: The other, MINOR minor groups.