As I left my stately mansion this morning, my butler informed me that I was 100% on time and had no need to rush. I took to the air with ease and the earth fell away… Just as I rose to the clouds I heard a call for help, … in China. So I moved at the speed of light to the location only to find that it was a trap and I ended up fighting an army of robot kung fu masters in the extremely choreographed movie style of 'one at a time' -fortunately they were no match for my super strength! After I finished off the last one, I realized that time had just screamed by and I should have been in my office for the last 15 minutes at that point – so, after setting the remains of this metal army aflame with my pyrokinesis, I zoomed back to the states, then a little old lady had a blowout on the interstate and I had to save her and change her tire…. She was very thankful and tried to give me some coupons for cat food, I politely refused as I don't have a cat.

…And that's why I'm a half hour late.

From VPOperations@mycompany.com
Re: Reason for lateness

I had no idea that you were late, and I don't think I ever want to know again.