Dear Awesome Guy,

We get it, you're a big deal. You're awesome. You're skilled in every form of martial arts known to man and some that you've just made up out of pure awesome. You ride motorcycles backwards just because you can, and routinely put the most interesting man in the world in his place. Your antics are known throughout the universe as both hilarious and frightening. Your ability to just straight up ruin the panties of all females everywhere, simultaneously, is simply breathtaking. No one is manlier than you; you win the manliness competition hands down. Your bicep size and level of flex controls the moon and therefore the tides. Old Spice is made entirely from your sweat.

Your collection of weapons, all of which you are completely 100% skilled at, terrifies children and animals alike. Scientific theories are made and broken based on how intense you are at any given moment. Women name their children after you, all of which you have somehow fathered without even touching them.

Absolutely every single one of us is impressed. Non-stop.

Now then, kindly shut the **** up about it.

Love,

Everyone