I've kinda been mentally unstable in my head lately - I've been having mental breakdowns- I honest to god thought I was going to go crazy...maybe even suicide... the problem is that I am too damn smart - it sounds stupid, but it's true... I think way too much, way too seriously about way too many things way too much in way too many different ways.  I was finally begining to fell comfortable with myself, especially at school...but I actually had to get into my head tell order myself to be able to do things...I had to do that all the time...no... I mean ALL the time...even at home...I was even getting to the point of saying to myself "play the video game, it is fun, enjoy it"...always...trying to do something in my head..never resting.  If you do that...it's only a matter of time until you (well...I..) go crazy from having so many things in my head that I have to tell myself all the time... I did it so much...I couldn't concentrate on ANYTHING else...homework, or even video games. So adding those just increased the work in my head I had to do.

I tend to think of stuff "beyond my years", I'm only 15 and I'm answering some of the most complicated questions of the mind...like how you think...how I think...it's kinda hard to explain...but it's true, all this which is constantly on my mind as well just adds up and adds up until I just can't think anymore completely. I'm truly sick.

The sad truth of this whole matter, is that it is all in my head...so I decided to leave my mind for a while...it worked...

Just STOP thinking about every little thing...or just stop thinking, and let things come to you (me) naturally. Think only of what's important, school-work, whatever. You are only comfortable in school, or with yourself - if you like yourself- self-confindence. For that- I had to think, get it through my head every time I wanted it. I now realize, just stop thinking and be yourself (do what you want/ what comes to mind) and doing what comes naturally rewards me with the self confindence I need. I think I'm alright now, just gotta calm down in my head and take it slow.

I'm not mentally retarded, impaired, or any kind of illness, I'm just a regular, shy kid- great life (which I've also been trying to cram into my head that I had one) that I don't need to think about all the time, just live it, and succeed in it. You don't need to understand your mind, just go with it. Thank you.

p.s. my last blog is still in effect - I'm rarin' to go now!