This is a toast to all the things I hate, and another toast that they've finally crashed and burned...and another toast to that they stay in their shallow graves.

Boy Bands: Need I explain? Because I know that parents just adore the idea of a group of scrawny pretty boys singing a bunch of songs too mature for the twelve year old girl fanbase that is the backbone of their careers. And in the end, they all end up admitting their homosexuality when their band is disantled...how's that for freakin' irony?

Emo people: This may differ where you guys live, but I haven't seen these creatures for almost a year. You know, the skinny dudes in black that make it their divine purpose to have you, as well as the rest of the city, know just how much these guys hate their lives. Because writing this crap in a diary is just not worth the expense of looking like an ass to the general public who doesn't give a crap anyway.

Cigarette ads: Even though I do smoke, I always hated the idea of reading my favorite magazine while seeing that supid camel just smiling in your face while handing you your own death...or that cowboy who tries to look cool with a cigarette in his mouth, just beckoning, "you can be cool like me, if you only smoke." Word of advice: if you want to make smoking look cool, have...you know, actual cool things to back it up. Jeez, as if being known as a billion dollar corporation funded by the deaths of millions wasn't such a burden, making ads like that is just begging to be assassinated.

Sharper Image: Another one I'm not sure about where you live, but here, they're all gone...mostly because they sold inventions of stuff I'd be too embarassed to own anyway, and looking at the price tag, it would be equivalent to me selling my soul to eat a barrel of oyster pudding...in other words, this store wants me to spend my retirement fund on a futuristic lawn chair that squeezes my balls.

Hummer cars: because the only thing more insulting than an eighty thousand dollar vehicle that has four miles to the gallon is the dealerships trying to sell these babies during the age of the high gas prices. It's like if I were to take a dump in a public restroom, only to realize I have two options: my left hand or a wad of sandpaper.

Lil Jon: I must say, being a millionaire just by saying three words repeatedly in other people's songs isn't a bad way to make a living, I still compare him to the annoying guy that shows up uninvited to your parties: he steals your beers, scares the women away while telling the repeated lame joke that was never funny ten years ago, and you only know him because he's a friend of a friend that you've never heard of.

Immature Celebrities: When we were kids, anything that pissed off adults was cool. When little kids piss us off, they think it's cool. But when adults try to piss off other adults, you get Tom Green. You know where Tom Green is now? Hiding in shame after he realized that his life's work consisted of making Carrot Top look cooler than him. And when you're a thirty year old man that is even lamer than the freshman year prankster, I gotta say...he shouldn't have dropped out of elementary school. Hell, Tom Green pees sitting down. He's the World Wildlife Fund's sexual predator. Tom Green gave birth to Bam Margera to continue the legacy of pissing the world off to an extent until the world just stopped giving them attention. Now they both lick cat's asses and kick each other in the groin together, because they're the only ones left in the world that find it funny.