A lot of the women I work with question as to how I can just become separated from someone I've loved for years and just shut her out with unrivaled genocide. In fact, they now look down on me because of it. First, let me explain: she called me this morning to tell me that she's leaving for deployment today...telling me thank you for all I've done in the past, sorry for the things she did, and all I said was: "OK, bye."

As much as I wanted to pour my heart out and tell her the thousands of things that I've kept locked into my mind, I hesitated for a reason...there's no point in living in the past. There's no way I can possibly tell her things that her boyfriend can give her. I mean, as much as it hurt BAD to just toss all the memories into the trash, tear up the pictures, every letter shredded to the last molecule, erasing her number, it's all for a reason: No turning back. I mean, what the f*ck else can I say to a woman whom I have nothing to say to? Goodbye is the only thing I can.

Imagine you are with a woman who has shut you out for the past month because the people she's with despise the thought of an ex keeping in touch, and forbid any contact...what else do you do but move on, right? The last words she told me before we broke up was to be strong, because even she won't turn back...and I have found strength. I've fought through pain and regret, and there isn't a damn thing ANYONE can do to change my mind about this.

Now I don't hate this woman nor do I regret ever starting a relationship with her, but at the same time, now that it's over, I do not intend to crawl back to her or her to crawl back to me. I say it's over with an iron fist...I do not repeat history ever. If I had a wish, it would be for our circumstance to be different. It's not entirely her fault why I am so distant now. I gave her nothing but freedom and choice, and I expect her to stick with hers. I didn't dictate her life, I never once told her to change her life, everything that happened was her choice, and I just accepted it and moved on.

I tried being a good friend to her, but all I accomplished was burdening her life with a new man who has more insecureties than a house with an open door. I waited weeks for her to call me, and after all that silence, I just assumed that her life was perfect and there was no need for me to interfere and cause more problems. In the meantime, I adapted and chaged from being a weakling to someone who can withstand any harsh mental punishment anyone can possibly give me now.

In fact, I don't see a point in me even finding another woman. I already know it's going to end in tragedy. I've already been with the best woman I've ever seen, so why should I even bother wasting my time with a brief affair when someone that close to me can't even stand me? So people can call me whatever they want. I don't see my life as being a cold, lonely bastard. I see it as independece, and how many people can survive on their own? If there's one thing I've learned, it's that people only slow me down and restrict me. And all that time goes wasted because no one believes in loyalty anymore.

In the future, time will judge. If she wants to call, I'll listen. If she wants to write, I'll read. I won't dedicate my life to waiting for the moment, but if she gives the time to do this, I won't be an @sshole and ignore it...I'll respond. I just won't get any closer than that. To anyone. I don't need anyone in my life. I'm perfecly fine the way I am. I just want people to understand and accept it.