You know, perhaps the thing that has been burning into my mind for the past month was one phrase from my ex: the fact that when she broke up with me, she kept nagging me how I just let her go like that. I mean, seriousy? I don't know about anyone else, but when a woman breaks up with me, I'm not going to crawl on my knees and beg for a second chance when someon's already made up their mind. Maybe it's only me, but the most blasphemous thing a woman can tell a man she is about to marry is any mention about breaking up. Serioulsy, this has been eating me alive this whole time. Or how she kept reminscing about our past, calling me up all the time, all while her boyfriend being the whiny little b*tch that he is, throwing his little five year old tantrums about it, giving ME more problems while I'm trying to fix the ones that are way over my head as it is.

I mean, I was going crazy trying to figure out what the hell I did wrong, until I finally realized, I didn't. I was good to her. No, I was the BEST. I took care of her, I was bordeline broke every month for her, I respected her friends and family and all the losers she'd shovel into my life despite how it hurt my pride or how I'd die a little inside every time I did. I gave her the freedom her boyfriend doesn't seem to allow. I let her hang out with her guy friends. I let her go out during the long hours of the night, I never gave her any trouble for it. And despite all of this and then some, wants to leave me alone and broken while she runs off with some other fool who can't appreciate a good woman, then dump all her problems onto me? I'm sorry, but that incident has left me hardened, to a point where I don't feel pain or sympathy anymore.

If anything, I've learned a lot. I've learned that yes, even people that close will cheat on me. For reasons, I do not know, because I know for a fact that I was nothing but good to her. I've also learned to toughen up mentally. Albeit a hard decision, I've erased her number off my phone for good, threw all our memories into the trash, cut off all communications, and finally, prepared to move on once and for all without looking back. I've asked myself the same question she used to ask me before: If she came back to me, would I give it a second chance? I know the answer now, without hesitation: No.

I tried so hard all this time to get over it. I tried to artificially make myself happy, convince other people that I was happy, but no matter what, in the end I was still an emotional wreck. Now I can confidentally say that my demons are laid to rest. I have no regrets, I have a clear concience, and no matter how badly I feel that I got F*CKED over, it's all behind me. I mean, even if I never got over it and I was still pining over her, one question remains: what CAN I do about it? I'm not so desperate as to wait my whole life for an ungrateful woman to become available to me again. And even so, what proof can she give that the reason she dumped me won't circulate to another failed relationship? There's a reason why I haven't gone back to any of my exes. We re-live the glory days, yes, but also the bad ones.

I feel...relieved now. For once in a very long time I can actually say that I am comfortable. I didn't need a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to...I don't need anyone. I can solve my own problems, and those that interfere only cause bigger ones, a fact that I've proven for years. Because the last thing I've learned? If I can't fix my own problems, what good are other people to me? The same equivalent to a drug addiction that feeds off dependency to survive its existence. I've learned independence. I mean, my whole life I've been held back because other people believe that I can't handle the harder side of life...but how will I know if I've never even touched it? To me, if they're too worried about other people's problems, that means they can't even solve their own. Yes, I will get hurt again in the future, when I get another girlfriend and we break up. But you know what? Greater wisdom comes from losses, not wins.