Can't take it any longer… cracking up under the pressure… the PSNetwork hasn't been working for nearly three weeks… need to play online… can't live without it… starved of Sony goodness… can't keep going.

My brother just laughs every time I try to log on and get the same crappy message telling me that the online service is down… I pay good money for that service… well my Mum does… I'm not old enough to have a credit card yet… the bank won't let me have one for a childrens saver account.

He's started using the phrase "PSNotwork" because he knows it winds me up… he's nothing but a big meany and I hate him.

He offered to let me play online with him but I refused… partly because I don't want to be seen as a traitor… partly because the control pad is too big for my hands… that's one of the good things about a Dualshock pad… it's made for kids so it's much smaller.

My mum asked me why I wasn't playing online very much but I just mumbled something about there not being anything I wanted to play online, she then asked if I knew anything about a purchase that had been made on her credit card in Hawaii but I pretended I didn't know.

It really hurts not playing online… almost as much as when my last PS3 turned into a brick from a dodgy firmware update… my brother says I ought to try and sue Sony for failing to deliver a paid off service but I wouldn't do that… Sony are great.

I bet it's that nasty man George who did it… Sony should go round his house and give them a good kicking… then they should make him stop doing bad things on his PC… then everything will be up and running again.

Why won't it start working… Sony are ace at everything… surely they should have got it back working by now.

Today is a great day… well everyday is a great day when you've got a PS3… but today is special… my Mum is going out so I can play Killzone 3 online rather than against the bots in the Botzone.

My brother says Botzone was put there to keep "annoying little pricks like you" away from the online game so that people "like you don't bugger up the game for everyone else" but I don't care… and I didn't react when he said that to make it more apt they should have called it "Buttzone" as all Sony do is hammer their loyal fans up the back passage at every chance they get.

He also got all preachy about my not being old enough to play the game at all but I just stuck my tongue out at him and said "Ha!" before going back to watching "Rastamouse" on the TV… man that mouse is cool.

Next thing he just slapped me on the back of the head told me to "grow a pair you sad little tw4t before walking off.

I shouted after him that he was just jealous because he didn't get to play Killzone 3 because he owns a 360… all he did was laugh as he went back to his Crysis demo… he must have thought that was very funny because he was still laughing when I found out that Mum had changed the password on our wireless network so I couldn't go online… not fair… just not fair.

I asked my Dad what the new password was but he just said, "Get lost your spoilt bar steward" before turning the TV over so he could watch one of his "foreign films" which, from what I heard my brother sat, includes a woman "with a pair like a dead heat in a zeppelin race who does something unbelievable with a Great Dane" so I couldn't even watch TV anymore.

My brother offered to tell me what the new password was if I gave him a million pounds but I haven't got that much money, he then said that Sony wouldn't have that much money soon either as it's currently illegal for PS3's to be brought into Europe… LG have said some lies about Sony and the Court believed it so loads of PS3's are being "impounded" as they enter the ports and harbours… as they've technically been sent to the warehouses does this mean they still count when Sony announces it's next load of "Sales" figures?

My brother then made some joke about the woman in the film being "Pounded" but I didn't get the joke… it must have been a joke because he and Dad were both laughing as they slammed the door in my face.

To make up for the fact that Gran Turismo got delayed again I bought Move today… well my Mum did obviously, it would takes me months to save up enough from my paper round before I could buy it myself.

I really harped on about the way we'd all be able to play it and Mum says she'll have another go just as soon as the black eye heals up from where I accidentally smashed her in the face when we tried it out… and the dentist says he'll be able to put a crown on her tooth once the swelling goes down.

My sister loves it… well she says she does, she only ever seems to use it when we're out the house and she's all alone… just as well really as her controller is starting to smell a bit fishy.

We tried to get Dad involved but he just told me to "Grow up… you pathetic little bastard" and went back to reading his paper.

It doesn't matter that the games are pants, even the totally original, never been seen before, Wii-Sports clone… playing together is just great fun… I bet… if only I can get the rest of the family to believe me.

My brother said we should get Kinect instead, but I just laughed in his face and shouted "why would anyone want to jump around waving their arms like an idiot with that thing?" and then he punched me in face and told me to sod off.

Move is going to be great fun… and as soon as the bandages are removed and the patch comes off my eye I'll be right there again playing "Totally not a Wii-Sports rip-off."

Today is a glorious day… I've ordered the Collector's Edition of Gran Turismo 5.

You know the one that costs a fortune and comes with loads of cool stuff to take your mind of the fact that the game itself will never live up to the hype that's been brewing since they first started showing off the screen shots.

I say "I've ordered the Collector's Edition" when what I really mean to say is "my Mum's ordered the Collector's Edition"… £150 would take me almost 6 months to save up from my paper round so there's no way I could ever manage that.

When Mum ordered it I asked how we'd apply for the refund of the costs of the demo we bought over two years ago and the spotty youth behind the counter pretended not to understand… I told him that as we'd been charged almost £25 to try the demo, GT5 Prologue, surely we'd be able to claim that back against the cost of the full game… when I explained that to the spotty imbecile in the shop he called over his equally spotty mate, made me explain it again and then they both pointed at me and laughed… for a long time.

I'm not having that, my Mum is paying her hard earned benefits money to get me that Collector's Edition… I don't want to see her get ripped off and have to spend less on Special Brew and Scratch Cards.

Mum asked me if I thought it was "Ironic" that the package includes a wallet, considering that you have to empty the contents of your wallet to afford the "stupid thing" in the first place.

I said that I thought "Ironic" was something she did to get the creases out of my school trousers and shirts… she looked at me and shock her head… making a sort of "tutting" noise in the process.

Seeing as she was in a generous mood I asked if we could get a 3DTV to get the most out of the game but she said no… we've not long upgraded to a top of the range HDTV so there's no way we're getting a 3DTV just so I can play video games… especially one as dull and repetitive as Gran Turismo has been in the past.

Maybe if I threaten to cut myself she'll change her mind?

My 360 owning brother says that the reason Mum didn't really mind pre-ordering the Collector's Edition is because the game doesn't really exist… that all the videos and screen pictures they release are all fakes… that it's not possible for a game to be in development so long and turn out even half decent… just look at Too Human.

I know the game will be great to look at, who cares if it plays like a wet fish as long as it looks good… if I wanted a game to play that was fun I'd have bought a 360 and Forza, but I wanted something that just looks ace instead.

I tried to download the latest update today and my PS3 just turned into a brick.

That's the second time that's happened and the second time I've had to pay to get it fixed… well, I say I've paid, it's really been my parents… it would take me forever to save that much from my paper round.

I rang Sony up and they said it's just a coincidence that my PS3, which has been working ace ever since it came back from being repaired last time an update messes it up, suddenly becomes as useful as a glass hammer when I started to download the new update… it's not their fault, honest, and they can repair it for me… for just £128

If it goes wrong again it'll have cost almost as much to get it repaired as it did for my parents to buy it for me in the first place.

Still… it could be worse… I could have wanted a Xbox 360 and they're really unreliable… and when they repair your console it has to go to Germany which is miles away, and they're so embarrassed about it they don't charge you a penny to repair it… one of my mates sent his off for repair and they sent him a new console inside a week… thank god I don't get repair service like that… my PS3 came back after just 3 weeks… and having had to pay for the repair I feel more secure in the knowledge that it won't break for a third time in a year.

While it was gone last time I had to play on my friends Xbox… it was horrible, he's been play some RPG called Tales of Vesperia that he had to wait 18 months for to get a European release, it's been out for ages in Japan and America… it looked alright, and if I wait a while the PS3 version will eventually come out… just like I waited for Bioshock and Eternal Sonata… I laughed so hard that they were coming out on the PS3 when they were meant to be Xbox exclusives… it was that laughter that got me through the year's wait until the PS3 version came out… I went to my mates to laugh at him, but he said he didn't care, those games were "so last year" and laughed himself… I didn't get the joke though.

I told my big brother and he said that what my friend had been laughing at was that I thought getting an inferior version of a game a year later was some sort of victory for the PS3 (which it so was) and that my friend was probably laughing at me for being such a "Sad Act!"

I told my parents I want a PS3 Slim for Christmas, Dad looked at me like I'd walked dog mess into the house and said that if my PS3 went wrong again, and I asked for another £135 to fix it, he'd turn my current PS3 into a Slim by stamping it flat with his foot… I told him that the PS3 was 100% reliable and he just looked at me with the look that says, "Get out of here before I hit you" and I left.

I went and asked my mum for a PS3 Slim for Christmas and she said that they were too expensive, I said that I didn't think they were expensive, she said that was because I wasn't the one paying for them.

Mt brother said he'd never get another Sony machine after his PS2 stopped reading disks after just 5 months and Sony made him buy a new one, he's got a 360 now but won't let me touch it… he says I'm a jinx… his 360 hasn't gone wrong once in the four years he's had it… but when it does I'm going to laugh at him so hard my face will hurt.