The last few posts have been very odd but i haven't lost my mind, yet. They are just lines for my next story, i don't want to forget them incase i got sidetracked on something else.

Yes you did betray your friends trust but you still know too much. So my friend, you think your off the hook. You remember what you saw, you helped me make those people loose there believe in a god. You are the one that made them lose fate so that i could mold them into the perfect, associates. Very loyal, by the way i'll thank you for that. I've have only one thing left to do, destroy every aspect of your life. Your family and friends will begin to learn the truth. I can see it now, blaming Michael's death on an innocent man. What happen to him oh yeah he hung himself in his jail cell. You already cost 2 people there lives now. What, you think anyone would forgive you? Get ready Z, I'm coming for you...

Ok, obviously your back. Why though, you got what you wanted. I can't even go walking down the street without watching my back. Dammit just go away

... it just hides out waiting for its time to reappear. You know just as weel as i do that you can't forget what you did. "Ahh the evil side is gone!" yeah right. I'm here Zander and you know it, just wait until tomorrow.

I haven't had any dreams or problems like in my earlier posts for quite some time. He's gone finally, I can relax.

Hmm... i don't really know why but i like this half of being human. You know the 2 parts to every person, the good part and the bad part. I like the way it feels to be evil, convincing people to do things they would never think of doing, becoming an instagator, and the disregard for any other thing besides yous self. It fits perfectly for me, for 17 years everyone knows me as the good, quiet kid, well, i've been broken. I used to be caring, nice, and would help people expecting nothing from the people. Ha, what a joke. I even went to a christian school for 4 years, what was i thinking. Destroying things is so much more fun. I have an evil mind i can think up ways of destroying place in a matter of minutes. I was walking down the street and closed my eyes, i could see my neighborhood in flames, cars blown up, house on fire, and the sense of fear all around. I liked it. Believe me i tried church, they didn't want me there when i went they all looked over to me with faces of despise and eyes that make you feel like an outsider. Dammit my other half....

Now this isn't monster scary but realistic scary...

The dream started as i was sitting in one of my classes and was just listening to the teacher talk but i noticed something in my pocket (of my hoody) It was a gun, just a pistol, I hid back in the pocket and was wanting the bell to ring so i could just get out of there. I kept woundering if my other half had control the entire time i thought i was asleep but i just kept think it would be better just to get out of there. Then all of a sudden the teacher asked me what i had, i didn't say anything, then a student said something and people began to laugh. I felt myself getting angry but i just held the gun in my pocket, i got up and just thought to myself i better get out of here. One student shoved me as i was walking and i lost it. I pulled out the gun and was about to fire when i someone tackled me i was fighting whoever did it. I gripped the gun and shot the person i was fighting with, it was me. He was dead, he just got back up with a bullet in the gut and walked toward me, along with everyone behind him. I held up the gun and just as i was about to fire again i woke up. Was my other half trying to test me, did i see something i could do in the near future, or was it just a dream it has no meaning.

I was bored one day and noticed that my school could be easily blown up if a person had the right materials, i was walking around wal-mart and noticed so many places where if a bomb was placed you could easily make it come crashing down. With the right tools i could turn a suburban neighborhood into a war zone. Thats the only problem if i had supplies, not saying i would do it because my other half wouldn't let me, but if i was able to make it i could easily turn suburban neighborhoods into warzones. I wont describe any of the ways to do it, damn my other half, but it is so easy to make chaos appear.

But what about the cops, they'll catch you.

Yeah they probably will but thats where the fun comes in, fill a car full of explosives and go out in a blaze of glory. If you don't have a car full of explosives then just run your car into a tanker or even turn it around in the middle of a chase and go straigh back towards the cops but you might survived the crash.

Lately i have just completly lost all faith in religion, so much crap i've had to deal with and i still get more crap piled onto it. Why doesn't God just give me a break once in awhile. I've had a breakdown and yelled for some help from him did it come no, did i change, yes. Not in the "good" way, i have given up on hope for the world to become better, i've watched as my loved ones crumble in front of me, i have seen the world slowly turn into a place where religion has no place. Where is God not here to save his children, why doesn't he let it be known that he does exist.

Very long read about my life up till now

I have no place in this world, my parents didn't want me around. It was just a one night stand, i was an accident. I spent 3 or 4 year living in a "happy" family. Me, my half brother, my mom and dad i had a good start, going to a christian school thinking that i was going to have a happy life. Then one day my mom and were fighting right in front of me and iwas taken away, to live with my dad. I lived with him, my grandma, and uncle Weds-Satthen i went to my mom's house Sun-Tues. I slowly started to crumble being passed around. My mom moved in with some guy and didn't tell me until she already moved. Later she broke up with him and moved to an apartment. I was still being passed around while my bother had to be moved all over the place with my mom, he began a horrible hatred towards her. I was going to a Christian school up until 4th grade where my family couldn't afford the money to send me there. I lost all my childhood friends. From there i went to one of the roughest school in town. I was begining to lose all thoughts about religion and in my 2 years there made some good friends. My mom moved 3 more times in those two years and was now living with a friend of my dad's who was now an enimy, i never found out why. I was sent to a psychotherapist to see how i was doing about my mom and dads break "i was fine" she said, hmph shows how much she knows. I also was only going to my moms on sundays now. Well after my 2 years at that school my dad, grandma, and uncle moved out to the country side of town and now i have to a country school. I made some friends there but it was going to be a lot harder since the cliques were beginning in 6th grade. Well to shorten it all up in the next 3 years my mom and dad no longer even spoke or communicated at all and she was living in a crappy house with my brother. Not much happen during this time other than my mom missing my 8th grade graduation. I finished grade school at that school and went to a fairly new high school. About half way in my freshman year i almost completly stopped seeing my mom, in my soph was the last time i saw her. I have grown up quick and learned that i have not had a childhood and after finding out at such a young age (5 or 6) that i souldn't be alive damages a person. The part that kills me is that when i look back and see if i wasn't born so many people would have a better life. My mom and dad would never have broken up ( it was something i did to make the argument happen) my dad wouldn't have had to close his business (it was just beginning when i was born and he couldn't support the family) my brother would have got more attention. So many possibilities lost because of me, so many people would have lived in a much more happy world if i wasn't there. I haven't been able to help anyone i have only hurt the ones that i love.