I go to the doctor's with an ear ache; they run a few tests, and then prescribe me treatment for anthrax - look:

So there must have been a terrorist attack that nobody's told us about... No wait, if terrorists let off a stink bomb there'd be twenty days of news coverage, calls to increase detention without trial to 365 days, and legislation to ban joke shops (probably not a bad idea).

So it must be an ear ache. It certainly feels like anthrax, as the antibiotics hit my ear with all the precision of a nuclear warhead - leaving my whole body aching, and my ear still full of gunge. Urgh!