I've excised the scene below from my Doctor Who Fanfic Memento Mori. It was supposed to illustrate part of my exposition. And while the quality's okay; it's, well, rather clunky and a bit of an adjunct, so I've opted to replace it with a scene that snuggles more smoothly into the overall plot. However that means I can share this largely stand-alone, spoiler-free draft. Bring your own sofa. ;)

• 48. EXT. BRITISH VILLAGE (FLASHBACK)

  The British King CASSIVELLAUNUS and the druid EURYNOMOS (whose face is concealed under the cowl of his feathered robe) stand at the centre of a village of Celtic roundhouses. They are encompassed by an entourage of robed druids and blue-faced warriors (nothing extraterrestrial about the latter, they've just died their skin with woad). The villagers are sullenly awaiting an inspection, lined-up in front of their yurt-like dwellings.

  TREBONIUS (VOICE OVER) When other British tribes can be persuaded to talk about them, they speak in hushed tones, mentioning human sacrifice.

  Peculiarly, a rookery has annexed the thatched village; and dozens of these black crows are anxiously perched on the roundhouses' rooves - cawing, strutting, fighting, and flapping their wings.

  With a nod from Eurynomos, HEKATEE, whose face is covered in a scar, and two other ACOLYTE DRUIDS commence an inspection of the villagers. They pass the first family, ignoring the insolent glare of an old woman, who spits at their backs, and pace on, past two more families; and as they progress, past each house and each family, the agitation of the rooks increase - the crows fluttering between rooftops, and swelling the intensity of their raucous hissing.

  As the three druids reach the family of a BLACKSMITH, the BLACKSMITH'S WIFE yanks her eight-year old son into her skirts, and draws a glittering dagger. With fiery reproach pouring out her eyes, she makes a darting thrust towards HECKATEE.

  BLACKSMITH'S WIFE No! You're ain't 'avin' 'im! (She spits.) I'm not giving 'im up. I'm telling you, you ain't 'avin' 'im!

  With an imperceptible nod, Cassivellaunus dispatches three of his guards, who storm towards the woman.

  But Heckatee makes no move towards the woman or the boy, despite the sky-rocketing avian din. Instead she turns and looks at Eurynomos, who languishingly withdraws a pox-marked hand from his leather glove. Slowly, the chief druid extends his finger towards the Blacksmith himself, and beckons the man to "come hither". Adding with a hiss.

  EURONYMOS That meat!

  The blacksmith is easily the biggest man in the village - the frame of his skeleton struggling to accommodate his collection of bulging muscles; yet he is completely bedumbed by the request and collapses to his feet, wailing:

  BLACKSMITH No! No!

  His wife is so shocked she drops her knife and releases her hand from the shoulder of her son (he flees into his house). But the rooks bay like the crowd at the Circus Maximus calling for blood. And as the guards arrive—and press the blubbering blacksmith onto his knees—the birds take off, their wings wiping the screen black.

Okay, the replacement is certainly more fun, and probably scarier. And it exemplifies my biggest problem: getting soo bogged down in the grind of writing that the fun dries up. So to make up for that, here's the real deal - the non-excised working draft of the very first scene. Now this is threaded through with mischief. :D

• 1. INT. TARDIS – CONSOLE ROOM

  In the hemispherical chamber of the Tardis console room, an alarm is buzzing intermittently, like a drowning fly. MARTHA stands alone, agitatedly looking deeper into the Tardis's interior.

  MARTHA (Shouting) Doctor! Oy, Doctor!

  THE DOCTOR races in to the console room and skids to a stop. He points accusingly at Martha:

  DOCTOR (Impishly) That's the last time I let you play Tetris on the TARDIS console.

  Martha brings up her palms in defence.

  MARTHA I didn't touch a thing, I swear.

  The Doctor grins and slaps the ‘snooze’ button of a ‘radio alarm clock’ embedded in the Tardis console, silencing the buzzing.

  Slipping on his thick-framed black specs, the Doctor peers at the Tardis's VDU. Martha joins him, looking over his shoulder at the display's sequence of unintelligibly alien patterns.

  MARTHA (C'NTD) What's up?

And from there the action unfolds, rapidly, to a great pre-credit cliff-hanger and on to interesting adventures.