After the odd occurances scheduling my last ultrasound (UCLA has a reception desk, with a large sign that reads "Radiology" and "Scheduling" over said desk, even though the woman working there has the enviable job of telling people that they dont schedule radiology appointments there, despite the large signs. This has become my new dream job, slightly edging out Elevator Operator and Snooty Parking Lot Attendant, if only because of the minimal responsibilities.) I wasnt expecting much from the dentist.

I call and I think Its the same receptionist I talked to two years ago.

Me: Hi, I need a dentist.

Her: Who was your last dentist?

Me: I don't know her name. I hear she finally succumbed to gingivitis after a long battle.

*long pause*

Me: that was a joke.

Her: Oh. Ha. Ha. Very Amusing.

(Actually my dentist graduated, which isnt surprising, given that she was this asian lady who looked like she was 12 years old.)

Her: do you have any preferences?

Me: preferences? do you have a menu? Oh I would like one who is an expert in the art of causing as much pain as possible.

Her: excuse me?

Me: I want my money's worth. (Though technically I'm not paying.)

*long pause*

Me: That was a joke.

Her: Very Amusing.

The best part about the dentist isnt the scheduling, its the journey. To get to the dentist, you have to first open these two double glass doors, taking you into the main lobby. You then have to go to this elevator around the corner. This takes you to subbasement B, 10,000 leagues under the sea. You then take this long east west hallway, heading west. There's no pictures on the walls, which are a really fugly shade of grey. After about 20 minutes of walking down this long hallway, you come to this other elevator, which has ...wait for it. ...different colored buttons! You then take that elevator up 2 floors. You're now about halfway there. (This is in the old building so there's no shortcut.) You go through a couple more hallways and take one more elevator before passing through the shrine of the silver monkey and then you see a small window set in the wall. This window has the express purpose of telling you that dental reception has moved around the corner, despite more confusing signage.

Tune in next time when I take you on the harrowing journey to the optometrist. >.>