I'm not used to waking up before sunrise.

The fog still hung in the air like a curtain made of moonlight silk, dripping with starlight. I entered the bus and sat, like a prisoner slowly climbing the steps to the gallows and waiting to be hanged. I wasnt the last victim on this slow ride to nowhere, however. As the freeway made its way behind us, the city, still lit from the last remnants of twilight, rushed past, not unlike flickering torches peeking out through a misty valley.

I suddenly felt the urge to cry.

To my left sat Stephen Hawking, or at least a reasonable facsimile. The small keyboard mounted on an arm in front of him had more lights than the Starship Enterprise. Sections of keys under a mini lcd screen seemed to flash on and off at different times. I vainly hoped that it might be some sort of explosive device.

There was also Tammy, who liked to yell, "Shhh", whenever Jimmy, behind her, said anything. Jimmy had apparently made a poo poo, and had to constantly remind us of this fact, though to be fair, we already knew. The driver, apparently fully trained in dealing with the developmentally disabled, had the radio loud enough to shatter the eardrums of anyone walking by on the street. A song about someone burning was playing now. I couldnt help thinking how appropriate that was.

Presently we reached our first destination. It was a nondescript building of brown stone. Tiny paper hearts decorated the windows, as if in an attempt to say that it really was a cheerful place, despite the fact that it looked like an abandoned prison. A slim young blonde girl escorted Jimmy through the front door. I didnt see her face, but from the back she was definitely stalkable.

When we got to my drop off, it was underwhelming to say the least. The rooms were wide, and colored like a carnival funhouse. Bright red walls and blue walls lined the place. I didnt expect Hell to look so gaudy. A tired old piano sat in a corner. There was also a maintenance room in back, for the disabled people to play with power tools.

The main attraction was Cherish, she was 26, slim, blonde, with an iq lower than her shoe size. She and her entourage welcomed me and she smiled at me with sticky pink lips. I quickly found out she didnt know how to operate a dvd player, or play Monopoly. Her ability to count past fifteen was also seriously in question. I soon found a large recliner and sank into it moodily.

Another interesting show was Bradley. He was tall, with a beard that threatened to take over his face, and had hair on the back of his neck that looked like it might assimilate his shirt. I wondered if I should call the L A Times and report a bigfoot sighting, or UCLA's Anthropology department and tell them I'd found the missing link.

I played a dude in chess who played in two-three tourneys weekly. Despite the fact that I hadnt played in years, I got him down to five pieces left, but he only needed two to finish me off. He then puttered around the place, flexing his fingers for all the heavy lifting he'd do in some chess tournament later.

There was a big screen tv, with a large selection of crappy movies. We watched Clerks 2, which is the intellectual equivalent of a slow beatdown, with large wooden planks.

Barbie soon found me sulking and cheerfully asked if I'd like to join the others. I cheerfully inquired why she wasnt in a backroom with Ken. She made a face at me.

"Hey, thats not nice, I do have a brain, you know", she said.

"I know, I hear it rolling around when you walk", I replied, still moody.

Maybe I'll skip daycare next week.