Captured by the wicked Dr. Z! Soon to be defeated by hamsters!! The free world at jeopardy!!! My dry cleaning...not picked up!!!!

These were the exclamatory thoughts running through my head when Captain Dolphin, top agent for PETA, burst into the room in a fiery explosion of...well, fire.

"Come my furry brethren!" He pointed to the hamsters, who were busy chewing on all the electrical wires in Dr. Z's command center. "Let us run free! Free as the lions I broke out of the zoo."

The hamsters looked up at him, blinked, and continued to nibble on the wires.

Captain Dolphin stumbled down the pile of rubble.

"Hey...you...you there." I shouted up at him. "Do you think you could rescue a fellow secret agent from certain death?"

"I don't know." He whipped off his black sun glasses and peered at me through narrowed eyes. "Do you eat meat?"

"Do I ever! Steak. Hamburgers. Chicken. Shrimp. Shark fin soup. Dolphin flavored tuna. I can't get enough meat. One time, on a secret mission in the middle of nowhere, I devoured a baby bunny I found huddling in a burrow. Meat has never tasted so good and so tender."

Captain Dolphin turned and threw up on the floor.

"Why do people insist on vomiting on my floor?!?" Dr. Z stood amidst the nibbling hamsters.

"So I take it you aren't going to rescue me then?"

"Hamsters!" Captain Dolphin roared. "Rise up against this treasonous beast! Devour his flesh. Let our ears dine on his screams!"

As one the hamsters took up Captain Dolphin's call and turned their eyes upon me.

"Isn't convincing a bunch of hamsters to eat me kind of going against your code?"

"You gotta do what you gotta do. Scum like you must be chewed from this planet one tiny bite at a time."

Next week: Can anything save Agent Nine? Will Dr. Z ever have a clean floor? Does Captain Dolphin truly captain a team of dolphins? Or is his name just for show? Find out. Right here on...Ax23000's blog.