So here I go.

I'm curious to know what you guys think of the upcoming presidential election. Now that all the candidates have been chosen, and all the running mates are out in the open... I wanna know what you all think. Especially after that speech from Sarah Palin last night. I have my own opinions and concerns, and I'd be glad to share that with you in a PM or whatever, or maybe I'll post another blog as Election Day gets closer.

And I'm curious to know what everyone thinks. Not just those of us from America.

So comment away!

I hate being sick.

I came down with some sort of cold or something earlier this week, around Monday. I thought it was allergies (they get really bad this time of year), but I guess not. It got worse and worse, even though I started taking meds for it, and now I'm pretty sure it went into bronchitis. It feels like there's something sitting on my chest. I even lost my voice yesterday completely, since I was up all night Wednesday coughing. It kinda came back today, but not really.

The worst part is, I can't taste anything. I want to eat, and I have somewhat of an appetite, but I can't taste a thing. Like for dinner today. I ate my favorite soup ever (chicken tortilla from McAlisters) and I couldn't taste a bit of it. I could tell it was kinda spicy, since my mouth was burning, but I have no idea what it tasted like.

This is the second time I've had bronchitis in the past three months. I'm no doctor, but I don't think that's very good. I can't get in to see the doctor until Wednesday, so I'm stuck like this for a while.

If you can't tell, I'm going kind of stir crazy. Sorry for complaining, but I needed to get it off my chest. :D

Happy 4th of July, everyone!

I know that today is the day for barbecues and fireworks and pool parties, but let's think for a minute about what this day is supposed to mean for us Americans. Regardless of political beliefs, today is the day that we celebrate our independence, our freedom. And I think that this deserves some thought in between all the pool parties and hamburgers.

Most of us have had American history at some point in our lives, so we know about the signing of the Declaration of Independence and the Revolutionary War. But did you know that America is an anomaly in the world? We are the only country to have ever had a successful revolution that established a permanent form of government. The French revolution failed, and Napoleon took over as a dictator. The Cuban revolution brought in Castro. I'd say we're pretty blessed to have made it this far, despite our young history.

The Declaration of Independence is one of the greatest documents in history, up there with the Magna Carta. Jefferson was a master of words. Lines like "We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal, and are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, such as life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" have become the cornerstone for our system of law and government. Later, the Constitution of the United States became the backbone for law, the ruler by which all legal and political decisions in our country have been measured for the past 250 years. But even the Constitution is based on this great document, one that established America as an independent nation.

The 4th of July celebrates the Declaration of Independence. This document made the King of England realize that we wouldn't back down, that we had expectations of freedom, and that we were willing to die to gain that freedom. And that attitude of freedom has prevailed for the past 250 years. But I would argue that America's independence was not gained through this magnificent document. In fact, the United States of America did not become a nation until 1781, when General Cornwallis surrendered to George Washington. No, American independence does not rest on any document. American independence was won, and is still being won, by the men that died to make it the most powerful nation in the world.

We enjoy the freedom to speak our opinions, the freedom to worship whatever God we please, the freedom to bear arms and confront our accusers because of those patriots that died in the American revolution. We enjoy this freedom because of those men that fought to keep our independence in the War of 1812. We enjoy this freedom because of the men that fought to keep the Union together and free the slaves, and the men that fought for their ideals, in the Civil War. We enjoy this freedom because of the men that died in the trenches in World War I. We enjoy this freedom because of the men that were decimated in World War II in order to stop a homicidal, megalomanaical madman who murdered 6 million Jews and more than 1 million people of other races and creeds. We enjoy this freedom because of the men that sacrificed themselves for an unpopular war in Vietnam. And we still enjoy this freedom today, because of the men and women fighting another unpopular war in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Regardless of your political beliefs, these men and women deserve to be appreciated, thanked, and supported. They fight for our independence, carrying on the great tradition begun in 1776. They fight for the ideal that all men are created equal. They fight so that you can sleep safe and comfortable at night. They fight so tht you can choose whether to support the war or not.

I'm proud of my dad, a soldier who is overseas now protecting our country. I'm proud of my friends that have been overseas, fulfilling their duty to this country. I'm proud of all our soldiers, past and present, who give up everything for God and country. So today, when you're eating your barbecue and watching the pretty fireworks, remember those men and women that have died to protect your freedom and my freedom. Remember those men that risked their lives to build this country into what it is. And thank God that you have the freedom to eat your barbecue and watch your fireworks.

I love how, when it seems like nothing else in my life can go wrong, something does. Sometimes it just seems like God loves to do that to us down here (before I get yelled at, I know it's not true). The last semester has, without a doubt, been my most emotionally taxing semester to date. It starts with an attempted suicide, losing a good friend, my dad leaving for war, my teacher dying, my parents maybe moving and me losing my free tuition, and now... I get played yet again. For the third time in 2 years. Is it just me, or is there something wrong with that?!

At least, that's how it seems to me.

So I had been sort of talking to this guy at school since Israel. While we were on our trip, we talked all the time, he'd come by my room and we'd go exploring with our roommates, we either sat next to each other or close to each other on the bus or at dinner... and it seemed to be going really well. I knew he had an ex-girlfriend that he was unsure about, but it didn't really bother me all that much. I figured that he'd get over her eventually. Apparently I was dead wrong.

We hung out solid for six weeks after we got back from Israel. At least once a week. Sometimes more. On the trip, he found out I love red Starburst, and one day he brought me some and said that he bought them earlier and thought of me, and he wanted to give them to me. On the trip, he found out I love fresh strawberries, and he brought me some when we went to church together. He'd say really sweet things, like how he was surprised that there were no boys in my church growing up if I was there. Or how I looked nice on a certain day. Or how I had a really nice smile, and if it came out more often when he was around we should keep hanging out. Stuff that no guy, not even my best guy-friends, say to me. I knew he was still hanging out with his ex, but he told me that they were still friends and he liked to hang out with her. Little did I know, huh.

So the other night we were hanging out, doing homework in the library when the power died. We couldn't see to do homework, so we sat in the dark and looked at pictures on our laptops before they died too. He was showing me pictures of the Rangers games he'd been to, and one came up of him and his ex. He said something like how he was really excited to see her that day, because he hadn't seen her in a while. So I kinda got to thinking that something was up. I knew something was up before this went down, but now I really got a suspicion. We finally left the library because it was dark and hot and his computer died, and he walked with me back to my dorm. I finally got up the courage to ask him if I could ask him a question, so I asked him if he and his girlfriend were talking about getting back together. He said, "Yeah. I want to, but she's still trying to decide if she can deal with the whole military thing."

You would think that I'd be a little upset about it. But I wasn't. Not at first. We went down by the pond by the apartments, and I played a couple of songs on my guitar. A couple of minutes later, he got up to leave so he could do homework and I said, "Ok. I'll just play a little more down here." He said, "I'm sorry if I misled you or anything. I still like hanging out with you." I said, "It's ok. Your heart is where your heart is." So he hugged me and I told him, "I hope [your ex] knows that she's a very lucky girl." After I played another song, I went to Borders with some friends to watch a movie, and he called me while we were there to check on me and make sure I was ok.

I guess it's a blessing in disguise, in a way. At least now I know where I stand with him, for now. And I don't know what the future is, so something could happen later. It still doesn't dampen the pain and the heartbreak.

I guess this latest situation reminded me of what happened with that jerk last summer. I admit my part in what went wrong. I screwed up and didn't guard my heart. He screwed up and didn't guard my heart either. Truth is, I liked him a lot. I still do. He had almost every quality I look for in a guy... a strong relationship with the Lord, a passion for people and kids, confidence in himself... almost everything. I'm so tired of BOYS. I want a MAN that will stand up and say "I like you, do you like me back?" In my entire life, that has never ever ever happened. I'm not waiting for the perfect man. I'm just waiting for someone to actually be a man.

I'm sick of being played. I'm sick of winding up with a broken heart for guy after guy after guy. I'm sick of waiting. Sometimes I wish that God would just put a guy in front of me and say "This one is good! Go for it!" And just once, I wish that that guy would have the same feelings for me that I do for him.

While I'm kinda angry, I don't think that he did it on purpose. He's not the type of guy to intentionally hurt someone. In a way, yes, he did lead me on. He gave me signals that I could not have possibly misinterpreted. And by signals, I mean flirty text messages, gifts of my favorite things, saying really sweet things. For those that I've talked to about this, ya'll know just what kind of signals they were. He never acted that way to other girls, even girls that he's known much longer than he's known me. I could have sworn things were going really really well... especially since he told me that he doesn't like rushing into relationships.

I don't know what to do. I want to be friends with him still. I'm cool with being friends with him still. Especially since I know what's up now. At least, I think I can be friends with him still.

How do you heal a broken heart? Is there really anyway other than facing it? I don't want this whole thing to take another six months to get over.

Apparently I need some more practice in reading people.

It has been three weeks since my world got shaken up yet again. Somehow I feel like I've been in a fog since Mrs. Marks passed away. I seem to function normally... I go to school, I hang out with friends, I laugh, I sing, I worship. But it's still empty... everything except my worship now. That's the only thing that is constant in my life at the moment. It's like, instinctively I know that Jesus is the only thing that makes sense in this kind of situation. I love chilling with my friends (one in particular, of course), and it keeps my mind off it, but it's like there's so much that I need to get off my chest that I'm holding in.

There's a huge void in my heart now, and I didn't even know that she had filled it. I was close with her while I was in high school (she was one of my absolute favorite teachers), but over the past couple of years, since I graduated, I didn't get to see her that much. I would always make sure I gave her a hug and talked with her a little bit whenever I went up to school, but those trips became fewer and more far between after last year.

The only place I can think of turning to is Jesus. I was thinking about it last night as I was trying to write a song for these three weeks. As empty as I feel, as pointless as this death seems, the only thing that I could think of saying to God was "Bring it on." I think somewhere in the back of my mind I realized last night that this storm makes me trust Him more. When nothing in my life makes sense, I know that this situation is growing me as a person and as a Christian. He's all I have left to hold onto, and I have to resolve that the wind and the rain is not going to loosen my grip on Him or His grip on me. His mercy and His grace are the only things that can make my heart whole again, but it's through that rain falling down on me that I am washed clean from all my grief and shame.

I can almost hear God saying to me what He said to Job: "Who are you to question My plan?" If I can't trust God in EVERY circumstance, my faith, my life, my salvation means nothing. God didn't call me to trust Him in just the good times. He called me to take up my cross daily and follow Him, leaving everything behind that I held dear. He said that narrow is the road that leads to eternal life. He promised that the road would get rocky at times, and that I would walk through the darkness where a million other voices would compete for my attention. But He also said that He would be a lamp for my feet and a light to my path. He promised that He would be the Prince of Peace, a Wonderful Counselor. He promised that nothing could ever pluck me out of His hand. He promised that He would never leave me or forsake me. And most of all, He said that death has no more victory, and the grave has no more claim on my life because Christ rose from the dead and is now seated at the right hand of God the Father. I believe those promises. It's the only place I can put my hope. Christ is the only hope for me now.

Three weeks. A lot has happened in three weeks. There's so much good that has come out of a really bad situation that it's impossible to deny God's hand in it. From what I've heard, two people have accepted Christ as a result of Mrs. Marks' life and death. The students at the high school are finally banding together, acting as each other's support pillars. The Ovilla students here at DBU have come together to support each other, and to pray for each other. The teachers have gathered around her husband and son to be there for them. People have come together all over the country to be a support for everyone grieving. And most of all, I can see it's effects in my own life. I have something spurring me on now... just to make her proud of me. I want to be an encouragement for the students at Ovilla (a place that I just wanted to get out of when I was in high school). I want to make her proud of the woman I have become, and proud of the woman I will become. If I can have half the impact in my lifetime that she had during her short 32 years on this planet, I will look at my life with no regrets.

Three weeks. Seems much longer for me. I feel like I've aged about a year in these three weeks. But it's a combination of a good aging and a bad aging. I think God has made me grow up more in the past three weeks. Death and the brevity of life are realities for me now. You know, when you're young, a lot of times you think you're invincible, that there's nothing in the world that can get you. A tiny little bacteria got Mrs. Marks. I'm not invincible. My life is short, a mist fading with the coming morning. I hadn't really faced that before. Oh sure, people I know have died before, but I was young then. It didn't affect me much. Mrs. Marks was only 12 years older than me. That's not a lot. God's sovereignty and power are realities for me now. I have to place my trust in Someone that knows a lot more than I do, and who is way more powerful than I am. I have to place my hope in something that I can't see. Believe me, I'm not using God as a crutch. When something like this happens, His control and His power are the only things that make sense. If I blame someone for this, it only makes me bitter and coldhearted. God is my life. God was her life.

I was digging through my garage a couple of weeks ago, about a week after she died. I found a letter that she wrote me on graduation. At the end of the letter was one of my favorite verses of all time. "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." (Hebrews 12:1-2) She ran the race marked out for her since the beginning of time. She fought the good fight and finished the race and kept the faith, and she's received her due reward. Now it's my turn. She was my track coach so I'll use a good track term. She's handed the baton off to me, and it's my turn to run the race. My only prayer is that I finish in a manner that she would be proud of, and in a way that would make my Father in heaven say to me the same words she heard when she stepped through that door: "Well done, good and faithful servant."

This past Wednesday, March 26, 2008, my beloved high school math teacher and long-time friend, J.J. Marks, went home to be with the Lord, along with her unborn little girl. J.J. died from complications with her pregnancy, which was 8 months along. She got a severe infection from strep, which spread through her whole body. Additionally, the placenta separated from the uterine wall, killing the baby. She wasn't feeling well Monday or Tuesday, and Tuesday night she started throwing up and hemorrhaging. She went to the doctor Wednesday morning and he couldn't detect a fetal heartbeat, so they took her in for an emergency C-section. When they opened her up for the surgery, her blood pressure plummeted, and they found a massive infection that had spread throughout her whole body. They couldn't do anything for her. Her husband was in Mexico at the time on a mission trip, and they flew him back over the border. From what I heard, he didn't know about J.J. when he landed.

It's been tough for all of us that knew her and loved her. She was the only person I ever knew that could actually make calculus fun. I've known her practically my whole life. When I was little, she had my dad for a teacher in high school, and she babysat me a few times. At that time, I was absolutely obsessed with "Beauty and the Beast," and she gave me a huge "Beauty and the Beast" poster that hung in my room until I got into high school. At school, I always called her Mrs. Marks, but to me, inside, she was just J.J. My sixth grade track and basketball coach, the woman that would take me home every so often, the teacher that I got to beat at trivia my senior year of high school. I loved her so much... even though I didn't always show it very well. I keep having dreams at night about her, and in the morning I expect to wake up and find that it was just all a bad dream. But it's real. I cared about her so much... And I know she loved me too... which is what makes this so hard.

She impacted a lot of people in her short time on earth (she was only 32 when she died). A bunch of my friends and I got together and swapped stories about her. I wish I could remember more. She was fun, sarcastic, crazy, cool, smart... and most of all she loved the Lord.

This time has been especially hard for her family, her mom and dad and sister, and especially her husband and young son Jonathan (who is only 3). Jonathan doesn't understand what's happening, and he's not going to have many memories of his mother.

The funeral was today. They had it at First Baptist Dallas, where she went to church. The crazy thing is, that place was completely packed out with students, friends, family... and it's a big sanctuary. At the viewing last night, it took 4 hours to get everyone through the line. That's how much she impacted those of us that knew her.

It's still hard to believe she's gone. At the viewing last night, I kept expecting her to pop up and say "Surprise! Just kidding!" But she didn't. And it's taking some time to process everything. I feel like I've been in a fog or flying on autopilot for the past three days, ever since I found out Wednesday night. She was so young, so full of life, so in love with her husband and son and Savior, and so dedicated to her students. She would tutor some of the people that graduated with me in their calculus and math classes, and she offered to tutor me in statistics last semester. I cared about her so much. Yesterday at the viewing, her husband saw me walk in and grabbed me in a big bear hug, and told me that she thought the world of me. Today at the graveside service, Jeanie (her sister) handed me a rose from the coffin and told me that she would have wanted me to have it. Her mom grabbed me in a big hug and told me that J.J. loved me so much. All these things keep rolling around in my head... and it's so hard to process it.

I know that she's with Jesus. She gets to see every day what I only long to see, and what I can only dream about. She gets to worship her Savior all day long, for all eternity. I know she wouldn't want us to be sad, because she's not sad. She's free from pain and suffering and whiny students that complain about calculus. And she finally knows how much she was loved. Heaven got a little sweeter on Wednesday when she and that gorgeous little Tanya showed up at the door. I know that I can rest my hope in the fact that I will see her again someday, and she'll be there to greet me when I go up there. It only makes me long for heaven that much more.

Please, be in prayer for her husband and son. He's really strong now, but he will probably have his breakdown pretty soon. Her parents and sister need your prayers too. Be especially in prayer for her students and the teachers and administration at OCS as they try to deal with this loss. I heard some of the students won't even go into her classroom. It caught everyone off guard... and everyone is trying to grieve now.

I found this verse on Thursday when I was still trying to process everything, and I want to leave you with it. "When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."- Psalm 34:17-18.

Well, I really should be studying for my test tomorrow, but I'm going to take this opportunity to procrastinate and talk about Israel :D I've been back for a couple of weeks now, and I think a lot of stuff has finally sunk in for me. It's hard to describe a trip like that to someone that hasn't gone, or wasn't there with me to experience what I experienced. My vocabulary is way too limited to try to describe it. Can I suffice to say that it was awesome? Inspiring? Amazing? Way cool? Once-in-a-lifetime?

First off, let me say that the country is beautiful. Completely and totally beautiful. Mountains, lakes, rivers, oceans, deserts, hills, forests, agriculture... Israel's got it all. Yet the awesome thing is, even though Israel is a special land, it seemed like we just kinda saw ordinary, everyday things. The thing that made them extraordinary is that God did something extraordinary there. Whether it was making the sun stand still, or allowing a giant to fall with just a single stone, or walking on water, or suffering in the Garden, or rising from the dead, the only thing that made these places special was Jesus. It made me think of what that makes me. God can take an ordinary person and make them into something extraordinary, just by His presence and His work.

I can't really describe the places we went to, because we kind of went everywhere. All the way south, all the way north, all the way east, and all the way west. We visited Caesarea Maritima, Caesarea Philippi, Megiddo, Nazareth, the Valley of Elah, Bet She'an, Mount Carmel, Gideon's Spring, every major site in Jerusalem, the Dead Sea, Qumran, Masada... and that's off the top of my head. Walking where my Savior walked, seeing what the biblical figures saw... it was almost surreal. It was so awesome to kneel in the Garden of Gethsemane and remember the sufferings of Christ, and realize that He would have still done it if I had been the only one in the world to need salvation. It was surreal to stand in the Valley of Elah and imagine what it would have been like to watch David kill Goliath with a single stone. It was amazing to look out over the side of a boat on the Sea of Galilee and imagine what it would have been like to see Jesus walk on water toward me. It was sobering to walk through the Holocaust Museum and remember why it was that Jesus came in the first place... to save us from doing evil, horrible things like that. It was incredible to walk into the Garden Tomb and not find Jesus' body, and then be able to rejoice in His victory over death. It was inspiring to walk down the Hosanna Road toward the Eastern Gate, imagining what it would have bene like for Him to come into Jerusalem in triumph, only to be betrayed a week later... and then imagining what it will be like to watch Him go through that gate in triumph at His return.

I could talk about Israel forever. I learned so much of their rich history, their struggle to survive as a nation, their constant divine protection... and how they live today. But I really should get to studying. If you want to know more, or have any questions, please PM me. I'd love to talk about it more! Shalom!

So apparently there's a blog tag going on... and I'm it. So... 5 things about me...

1. I want to counsel crime victims and maybe work with criminals

2. I'm currently single and loving it.

3. My favorite candy in the whole entire world is Haribo Gummy Bears

4. I taught myself how to play the guitar

5. My favorite author EVER is C.S. Lewis.

Now... I guess I get to tag 5 people...

I tag:

staindredglass

ticainuk

Numb3rsgirl13

Squint85

And last but not least... Imajazzbandnerd (who made me do this in the first place)

Have fun :D Now I have to go pack for Israel. :D I'm so excited!!!

Hey guys... I'd really appreciate your thoughts and prayers this weekend, not for me, but for some people very very dear to my heart. A friend of mine tried to kill himself Wednesday in his room by drinking Nyquil and bleach. Apparently something in the Nyquil made him start throwing up, and the paramedics got to him in time, so he's going to be okay, at least physically. But he's really close to some of my close friends. No one really saw it coming. He was always a really happy kind of guy, one that seemingly had a close relationship with the Lord.

He's on his way home now to be with his parents, and it's looking like he will probably be gone for the rest of the semester to get some real help. It's hit everyone pretty hard. One of my best friends really cares about him, and she's devastated that he would attempt something like this. I'm worried about her, that maybe she would start blaming herself, when he's really the one at fault.

There are a lot of different emotions that I'm feeling right now. I'm confused, because someone that has Jesus in their heart is supposed to have the hope that trials and sufferings don't last forever. I'm furious at him, wondering how he could be so incredibly selfish to think that taking his own life would make everything easier for everyone. I'm sad, that he thought that he was all alone. I'm frustrated, that I can't be down there with my friends to physically comfort them. This is the first person I know that has tried to kill themselves, and I don't really know how to handle it or how to help other people handle it.

I know that this situation has caused a lot of people I know to think about they way that they live their lives. I was talking about this with a friend up here, and we both came to the conclusion that this made us realize that we need to be open with each other, that we can't keep everything inside, because it just eats away at us. It's caused another friend to realize that even in suffering we can find joy in the Lord, and through this joy found in Christ we can help others who are suffering. It's helped me realize that nothing in this world is hopeless, as long as I have my faith.

Please be in prayer for him and his family and friends. He has a long road ahead of him, and his family is probably going through the same emotions that we all are. Thanks guys.

Chris

Today my family and I saw the latest Disney movie "Enchanted." Now I have to admit... I love Disney movies. I loved them when I was little, and I'm still crazy about them. They bring out the child in me.

Anyways... this has to be one of the cutest movies I've seen in months. Cleaner than Hairspray, but just as fun... man, it was awesome! I don't want to give away too much of the plot, but let's just say that it combines about 10 of the most famous Disney movies into a fun, upbeat, oh-so-romantic movie.

Seriously. Go see it if you have a chance. It'll bring out the kid in you.