I don't feel safe, or like I can trust anyone anymore! I don't know who to turn to or what to do to make myself get the f*** over this! I am sick of having my feeling tossed around like a f****** frisby! I try so hard to get over all of this crap but I can't! Honestly I haven't done anything worth while since summer started! Sure my friends take me out and we hang out and I went to a few partys but its all crap! They say I am the life of the party so I have to live up to there expectations but I just do it because I don't wanna be boring or have people asking me "what is wrong?!"

The ONLY person who has been here for me at all latly is Zack! Yeah you Zack! Thanks for talking with me even if you don't know it helps it does! You keep me hoping and expecting things to get better! You are like the brother I wanted! Like you said to me! lol! I am thankful for you being there and helping me! ^^

I miss my boyfriend but I don't know if he even cares anymore it is killing me! I am probley just misunderstanding but I haven't heard a single thing from him! I know his mom won't let him talk to me but I'm sure he can sneek a second of time and send me a little somthing! I don't want it to sound like he isn't a good boyfriend because he is really perfect! Just seems like with all this crap going on and me not being able to talk to him he dosen't really show anything twards it at all! I am confused and don't know what to do! I wine SO much latley about him but I annoy myself in the process! But I guess thats what journels are there for! They don't judge you like the rest of the world!

I have been dieting and have list 4-5lbs! I guess that is good! That is the only thing I am really proud of right now! Well I guess I will shut up now! Write you more later!

PEACE OUT AND ROCK ON FOREVER!!!!^^