Over the years I have played many games and have become used to suspending my disbelief. As I go through my list I will be looking at these weapons as if it were a real world situation (to some hilarious results I hope). Anyways, I ramble, lets just cut to the heart of the matter...

Number One:

Keyblades.

Now you might think, wait that could really mess someone up if used properly, and I agree. But look how Sora uses it, the blunt side is the blade and it doesn't really instill fear. He looks more like hey just recieved the key to the city for rescuing a kitten or something. And is it just me or does everyone and their mother have a keyblade these days. I thought it was hard to find a person who could wield such a "weapon" in the Kingdom Hearts universe.

Number Two:

Wakka's Blitzball

This one is from Final Fantasy X and one of my favorites. I mean this is about as dangerous as a game of dodgeball that has become a little too serious. And talk about non-threatening, I mean sure it might sting a little but there is no way someone can get up enough speed to actually kill you. But wait you say, what about the ones with spikes and stuff? What about it, you try and hold something the size of a basketball with giant metal spikes and throw it as hard as you can. I guarantee you are going to stick yourself.

Number Three:

Bodily Fluids and Gas.

Boogers, farting, belching sounds like a regular night out for a redneck but this is the arsenal given to you in the SNES game, Boogerman. The worst this guy can do is give you pink eye. Sure he can hock a loogie and fling boogers but come on at least let him use the shaft of the plunger as a beat stick. But wait you say, that stuff is hilarious. Really? Is it still funny, how old are you?

Number Four:

Vacuum.

Many characters have used vacuums as weapons (Luigi, Mickey Mouse, Mega Man) and they are a terrible means of defeating a foe. Grab your vacuum and turn it on. Now put it up against your skin, mildly annoying right? It isn't killing you. But wait you say, they had really powerful vacuums. Looking from a realistic standpoint, you wouldn't have something very portable and be strong enough to lift or move things with suction. The Ghost Busters have it right, use awesome beams of energy to subdue and a vacuum to capture.

Number Five:

Gunblade.

I have mixed emotions on this one. Things I think are awesome in video games: guns, check; swords, check; sword and gun combo, check; a sword that is also a gun, wait what? the Final Fantasy series is known for its unique weapons and battle systems, but what were they thinking with this one? But wait you say, he stabs people then pulls the trigger. Trying to aim that thing would be nigh on impossible and trying to cut someone with out pulling the trigger would be difficult too. You could just use a gun and a sword, then you have long range and short range taken care of. I mean that sounds familiar, like another character has that...oh yeah, it's Dante from Devil May Cry.

Well, that is my list. Don't get me wrong, I have at one time or another played these games and enjoyed most of them, but if i were to ever actually need a weapon to defend myself there are far more practical things out there.