My friend on the internet (who is a girl btw) sent this to me when I needed help. Here.
As for my experiences...
Get to know her by asking her questions. Don't ask someone else about her because everyone has his/her own opinion and interpretation. Furthermore, asking her helps you in two ways. The first is establishing a connection between the both of you, making the task of approachability easier for each side - fostering a trust you can think of it as. The second provides you with her information on a first hand account, obviously. That way, you can make your own impression of her based on more facts as opposed to running off loose strings of information that you gather through hearsay/second hand references.
While it has been mentioned not to focus on yourself too much during conversation, don't focus too much on her either. This may imply that you're too interested, which may or may not scare her. More likely than not, it will cause her some worry if she is not comfortable telling you "no" if you ask her out in which three things can happen:
1) She'll treat you nicely, trying to avoid situations that give you the opportunity to ask her out.
2) She'll sever most contact with you.
3) She'll want to have her friends around when you want to talk/do something with her.
From my knowledge, most girls around the high school age will follow the first outcome. I, myself, am guilty of this route when I find out someone is attracted to me because I am afraid of hurting his feelings as well as losing a friendship over an awkward event. Younger girls (late elementary to early middle school) will probably go for the second outcome as they are more likely to be shyer and will not know how to react with certainty. The last outcome usually applies to girls who know you are interested and don't want to lead you on, so they try to surround themselves with a "safe" group of people to lessen the anxiety of giving you the wrong messages.
If this girl is worth going for, she won't care for material objects. She shouldn't be concerned with what you wear or what you buy her. What she WILL be paying particular attention to is the way you speak and act. Immaturity will, in the long run, cost you a relationship. While it seems "cute" or "funny" at first, it quickly grows tiresome and makes a girl wonder if she can really see herself with such a person for the rest of her life. In many cases...the answer is no. So, she will break the relationship if it's gotten that far. Why though? Didn't it make her laugh? Well, yeah, it DID, but now she can't trust if you'll take her seriously ever. Find a way to be pleasant in your ownway without being rude.
Returning to the former aspect, notice I said "the way" you speak. While what you say might be acceptable, watch your tone and body gestures. Drawling, cold, harsh, and even loud voices will annoy if not repulse most girls. Body language in the sense that you aren't invading her space too much with your hands swinging in her face when you're excited or mad or whatever. Most girls don't find a guy grabbing one's crotch or flipping off another person attractive either. It's gross and obscene.
Speaking of hands, let me mention body contact. While I did say not to intrude on her space too much, that doesn't mean you should refrain from making contact from time to time. A light tap on the shoulder or arm (let's say you need her attention for a homework problem and don't want to be loud by calling her name) is a way of testing the boundaries. If she doesn't act negatively in response to her, she probably considers you close enough for that kind of interaction. Don't push it though. Every now and then is fine; consistently is kind of scary unless she initiates by touching you first.
Most of all, be yourself. It's generic advice, but it's true. I don't mean stick to a rigid form of who you are currently, because there's always something someone is going to find that she doesn't like and will mention it to you (ie. I didn't like my boyfriend saying "no duh" to me or my ex for using certain emoticons because I interpreted them in a negative way). To those small things, yes, change them to accommodate her. It makes you a better person for you aren't seen as a stubborn jerk like my other ex who said he couldn't change his shyness and that I'd have to deal with it (this came from an argument when I told him I wanted to hold his hand and he refused). Large changes like working out for six packs and whatnot are grossly uncalled for and thus should be ignored. She should like you for who you are, not what you look like as everyone will have a different appearance as he/she ages - unless we're referring to medical support and whatnot, but that's pretty extreme for retaining one's looks.
Summing it up:
Find out about her by asking her yourself.
Pay attention to her, but not to the point of looking obsessed.
Find a balance for being charming without annoying/immature.
Watch how you speak, for she will notice small details as in the inflection of your voice.
Make body contact by starting slowly and seeing if she responds positively by reciprocating.
Be yourself. But a flexible self. Everyone can use a little change now and then.
Log in to comment