Indeed. You can scratch up my previous blog title because I'm not feeling that way anymore. Silly me for saying "out loud" which hardly happens 100%. Anyway, my dog died last Wednesday. Only fellow animal lovers would understand what missing a pet means. They are the most faithful and unconditional friends ever.
Hotz had a long and super happy life, I'm actually very proud of that. I knew he wouldn't last long, but it hurts just as much. He died peacefully, or at least the vet thinks so. On Thursday I arranged things for him to be buried and now it's all over. I did all I could when he was alive and even after he died to allow him a proper rest. Now I'm still weepy but the anger is over, and I'm drenched into a deep sadness.
He was about to turn 15 this June. Apparently, dogs his breed don't live that long, and certainly not in such good condition. Apart from some hip problems, he was fine. And he died peacefully, the vet says that dogs cry when they are in pain unlike humans, that can conceal it not to worry others. Hotz didn't cry, he just fainted like a candle. I think he knew he was dying though, but he wasn't alone just like he's never been. I will never ever in my life forget the way he looked at us as he was passing. He was totally saying "thank you" and I wish he knew that he gave back tons more than what he received. And he received all my heart can give. He will certainly be much missed, he brought with him so many memories attached of all the years we spent together... he made my life happier and helped me through some rough moments. He was a great friend.
This is certainly not the blog I wanted to write but it ain't easy to type between tears, let alone trying to make sense out of a dizzy mind. I haven't slept properly for days and despite I collapsed yesterday I'm still emotionally exhausted. It's a good thing that the weekend arrived and I can properly mourn him at home because I can't see a dog in the street without starting to cry. The other day, as I was in the bus, I kept wiping the window for half of the ride until I noticed that it wasn't fogged up, but that it was just my teary eyes making it all blurred. Then I was getting my groceries and buying pet food just for Kika (my cat) felt really distressing. I wake up at night because I hear him barking. I keep calling him randomly and this morning, as I opened the cookies tin box, I just embraced it and broke down because he didn't come to the sound of it wishing for a cookie. I could go on and on. I'm in an emotional rollercoaster, failing miserably at getting over his looss. He was much loved and he is gonna be much missed.
Just a big thank you to all of you who pm-ed me, talked to me on msn and cared about me. I'm gonna be fine, I won't ever trade this sorrow for the long years of happiness I enjoyed by Hotz's side. I lost a friend but I know that I still have many more left in all of you. You are no doubt the greatest, most affectionate and most amazing bunch of people I've ever meet. Thank you all. Squeeze hugs for everyone. Hope you have a great weekend.
Farewell Hotz, I love you buddie :)
