As many (way many more than I thought) of you noticed I set my profile private a while ago. Why, you wonder? Many reasons. Some only known, or rather, only understood by me. The thing is that I haven't been quite feeling like myself from a while ago, and I'm still looking for the person I should be.

Not the smallest of such reasons, I just happen to think that I am simply too uninteresting for my thoughts to be shared. You know? I keep reading blogs about tv shows, about movies, about news of the world, about games, about music, about personal experiences... basically all and every interesting kind of topic I never blog about. So I don't want to force my friends to comment in my blogs only because they are my friends and they are my blogs and you guys feel obliged to be that kind.

But then, I am overwhelmed by how many of you found ways to grab a hold of me and ask me to set the profile visible again. It made me feel really good and really bad. I felt good because it is great to feel loved and cared for. Bad, because I wish I was able to properly return all that. I feel like I am loved in bright colours and I just return black and white shades of affection.

I am not good at pouring my feelings in the open so typing this is not easy. I am well aware I don't make a good friend, I know what my flaws are and I don't seem to do well at getting over them. I get scared when I get close to people, the closer the more scared, the closer the further I push them away, the closer the higher my defences are put up. Maybe because people who should have loved me didn't do it, I don't think to deserve random affections. Friendships here are so amazing that it's as if we got started right in the middle, racing through the steps every day. It's not a bad thing, but it makes my eternal state of confusion grow, it's unsettling and it turns scary.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am really grateful for all and every friend I've made here. And I've come to realize that avoiding things only makes them more present. So I guess I gotta work on on overcoming my self esteem issues and just let myself be happy.

So, a huge thank you for all those pms, posts, emails and to everyone who enquired about me. You all know who you are. Absolutely surprising to me that almost half of them came from GameSpot people. Which reminds me that, in case you don't know, GameSpot and and tv.com pm systems are not linked anymore, so pms are not longer shared accross sites. It doesn't make sense to me since people from both sites can track each other and blog updates are shown in the profile pages of both sites but the fact that such feature has been discontinued is yet a further reason to open my profile again. My newest friend is a GameSpot friend and I only knew about it when I logged in Movietome :roll: So I promise to check out my GS pms :)

Thanks once more for the friendship, affection and support. Many hugs for all :)

~.~.~.~.~.~

Now, I'll stop the boring ramble and give you something else to comment on so you can skip all that's been said above :lol: I'm sorry to sound like a drama queen but that's me, always overthinking.

Anyway, Tonight is St. John's night, fire night. Bonfires are lit at midnight in every neighbourhood to celebrate the summer solstice, songs and dances are held around them, little pieces of paper with written wishes are burnt in them, food is cooked in them, rockets and fireworks are thrown as a background. I used to enjoy it a lot when I was a kid. There is something magic about this night, there is a big tradition of sorcery and witchcraft where I live and it is a very especial feeling. I just think it is a very fitting day for a change of attitude. Any celebration going on in your countries tonight?