(UPDATE: May 29, 2008 - If you retards failed to see half of the sarcasm in this article, Then please pour battery acid in your eyes. Granted Frog from Chrono Trigger and his masamune, would **** up Sephiroth and his tiny, scrowny Masamune.)

Why Final Fantasy 7 sucks.

I've always liked being a smart ***. For some reason i could never help myself to pick apart a user on Gamespot for their ability to be something i thought would be impossible for a gamer....A rambling moron. Now I love RPGs dont get me wrong. Do i like how they evolved gameplay wise? No. Most battle systems are garbage and..well, come to think of it most RPGs out today suck. Only decent ones are on handheld platforms....anyway, So where did these rambling morons first appear from? Final Fantasy 7. Thats where. I can't read anything when it comes to the Final Fantasy series without hearing about Final Fantasy 7. What was so good about it? I remember when it first came out I brought it, played it, beat it in a month, and its been sitting in my box in my garage for the last 11 years. I still think about the popeye the sailor man arms and laugh. I also loved how they made Barret a stereotypical urban skinned brother. The main hero was such a wuss burger too. What the **** kind of name is "Cloud"?

"Ohhhhhhh! My Names Cloud! I was once one of the Top ranking officers(For some reason Gamespot see's "cl*ss as a cuss word.) for Shin-Ra but i really lead a lie and i couldn't cut it, so i was patrol *****."

So he lost his memory, So instead of walking it off like a man, He stole his best Friends life. Some hero. pfft. The characters are beyond annoying. Especially Aries or the other billion names that broad goes buy. She was weak. I never had her on my team. All she would do is whine like all women about being the last this, Boyfriend that, flowers here, blah, blah, blah.

FLOWERS ARE DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMB. Why should i have to give that money grubbing broad money for something that's going to die on my way back to the bar. Lets see...A Flower or a Beer? Beer it is. I was so happy when Sephiroth killed her. That was the only cool thing he did. If she was so strong and could bring about Holy, then why couldn't she have moved out of the way? Wait, Why couldn't Cloud have pushed her out of the way...or better yet...use a Phoenix Down? I'll tell you why, Because he got tired of having some weakling running away from a battle with her skirt up. as a matter of fact, ALL OF THOSE CHARACTERS ******. Even Sephiroth was corny. He was by far the worst villain ever created. All he did was **** and moan about his Mom. "OH BOO HOO!!! MOMMY! WHERE ARE YOU!!!!!!! IM A DISAPPOINTMENT TO AN ENTIRE RACE I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH!! BOO HOO!!!!!!!!!." His sword was so pathetic looking. It look like a long shriveled up monkey...you know where im going with this. Ill tell you what though. Frog's sword...THE REAL MASAMUNE was bad ***. That sword was the definition of a real manly weapon. Frog would cut down mountains with that sword and create an entrance for himself and going to Magus' castle and whooping his ***. Frog should have been the main villain of Final Fantasy 7. That game would have been so much more sweeter if he was.

The entire world depended on such a *****. "Cloud!! HELP US!!!!!!! THEY SUMMONED A METEOR!!!!!!!!!!". Whats a punk wussburger like Cloud going to do to something that's 500,000 times bigger then him? Oh wait...He didn't do anything. a bunch of green **** came up from the ground and saved the world. That's what happened. Cloud couldn't even get the job done on his own let alone with the help of his team of Newmans. And then you don't even get a reasonable ending. You just get the credits then a movie of three mangy mutts running around being typical dumb, worthless animals. You know, if i was the President of Shin-Ra, i wouldn't have relied on any of my dumb *** co-workers or a group of morons who make things harder for me and my company. I would have went with Ice T and Christoper Meloni from Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. Two bad *** cops is the way to go. They get **** done. They don't lollygag around playing with each others swords. They ether just beat the **** out of you, or shoot you then, beat the **** out of you. I would have had them slaughter Cloud and his friends then send them to the crater, have them kill Sephiroth, then place two a nuke in the crater destroying everything and all of the Jenova cells within that area.

Final Fantasy 7 *****, Its dumb, Its Overrated and over hyped and all in all, the worst game Square Soft has ever created.