F*CK!! I f*cking hate school. I just today found out that I've been doing everything wrong in my English class for the past, I dunno, entire time I've been in the class. I do that class online, because I'm a hikikomori (and yes, there is a distinct difference between that, and similar things with different terms used to name them, and no, I don't leach money off of other people like the stereo-types, and I don't do or have any of the other misconceptions, but that's all way off-topic). I've been talking to the teacher a bunch, because even she is having a ton of trouble with hthe site we have to use for the class, and we need to keep talking to sort out how to handle what I have to turn in, and so on. Basically, it's the first semester the school has been using this, instead of the old one they had up until now. So of course, none of it works right. It crashes constantly, it will delete entire assignments when you post them, and the discussion board never works, unless you are extremely lucky.

So today, I get an email form one of the other people in my class. She was talking about how our teacher needs to talk to everyone about whats going on. I already talked to her a few times though, so I figured I was okay. Then the email went on to mention how we are supossed to ignore all the stuff in the ASSIGNMENT SECTION of the site, and only do the work listed in another section that crashes almost everytime you go to it. So now I'm stressing out because I have no f*cking clue what I missed this whole time. I check what's there, and I find that I missed about 7 weeks worth of assignments because I trusted what the f*cking orientation for how to use this thing told me. Not only that, but i've been working on a thesis paper for the past 4 weeks. It's 20 f*cking pages long (required ammount), and I just now saw that it's not even what we need to do. I just found out that instead of that, we needed to do a 20 page research paper, and the first 10 pages of the draft are due by tomorrow night. The first 3 pages were due last week. So now I'm f*cked, because I did everything wrong.

I can't f*cking believe it. Every time I think I'm doing okay with something important, I f*ck it up beyond the point of being able to fix any of it. I swear, the now useless 20 page thesis I wrote, was probably the best thing I will ever write in my entire life. I put so much work and care into every part of it. But no, that's worthless now. Just another who knows how many hours of my life wasted on something that has no importance to my life at all.

I emailed the teacher a few minutes ago when I saw all this. I'm basically just asking her if I should just drop the class and accept that I just wasted another $700, or if I should just spend my entire last week of classes, and all of my spring break doing nothing but working on English when I don't have to work on my other classwork. I seriously hope she just says f*ck it and let's me at least turn in my thesis in place of the research paper. I dunno. I'm still having a mix of a huge panic attack and one of the worst anxiety attacks I've had in years.

I just can't even put it into woords how f*cking confused I am right now. I dunno. I don't even know why the hell I'm even typing all this. I guess it just helps me or something, but still. I just can't even believe all that sh*t. Like, the entire shock of it still hasn't even set in yet. I figure she would have at least said soemthing when I was sending all those wrong assignments, but she didn't say anything about any of it. It just pisses me off, because she always offers to help with pretty much everything in the class. Like she actually will talk to everyone in the class in real life, just to make sure you can get this stuff done. And I mean she will actually call you, and talk to you on MSN and stuff just to check and make sure you are doing okay with the class, but she never once mentiioned anything about me doing everything wrong. I just don't get it.

I dunno. I need time to let this all set in. Seriously, I don't even wanna think about how much time I wasted on just writing that thesis.