As you all know, Easter is a day where everyone celebrates the Easter Bunny fighting Jesus in battle, for a bag of candy. Jesus wanted this candy stored in plastic eggs and fake grass, because he was a very greedy man, and he thought that he should have all the candy to himself. So this giant, anthropomorphic bunny fought Jesus, on top of a mountain, next to a burning bush, so that we might all enjoy the sweet sweet taste of victory.

It was a long battle. It lasted three days. In the end, Jesus was defeated, and we all got to taste the sweet taste of victory, in the form of Lemon Heads, and Cadberry Cream Eggs. The important thing is that we never forget what that six foot tall, candy craving bunny did for us this day, millions of years ago, when he fought a man with magic powers in a cave.

So we salute you Easter Bunny, and all that you've done for us. We shall never forget.