I'm old. Well, old for a gamer, at 32. The first game I really remember loving was The Legend Of Zelda, and I was 6 years old and hooked. How could I kill Gannon? I even called the Nintendo hotline (and got yelled at) so that I knew how to beat him. That started my love of gaming, and everything I have played in my lifetime is something I will remember for the very best of reasons (Chrono Trigger, how I love thee), and the very worst of reasons (why is Fester's Quest SO DAMN HARD!?). I began playing a lot of different games, but continually gravitated to RPG's and the pinnacle of my early gaming life was playing FF2(4), and immediately I was hooked on storytelling. I don't absolutely need it to play a game, but it damn sure helps. I consider myself a true gamer, I don't really have a game style allegiance, and I'm both a social and solo gamer.

What has begun to concern me is that I no longer feel the want or need to play anything that doesn't drive me the entire way. I think to myself, "Self, why can't you just keep on trucking through FF13, you know you want to finish the story and you want to know what happens." But no matter how much I try, very few games anymore are finding that sweet spot to drive me through to completion. I know that I would enjoy FF13 if I play it, but man do I hate grinding. I know I love playing SSX games, yet I can't drag myself to play the newest one that collects dust on my shelf. I have no idea whay I can't play it, the "want" is missing. I can't seem to find the missing piece of myself that thinks about how I could play one more level.

Looking back, I think that a large part of it is that we have become spoiled. My friend and I split the cost of a PS1 to play FF7 when it came out, took turns having the system at each others house, and beat the game on almost the same day. The storytelling was so engrossing and all of the characters so interesting that it didn't matter what I had to do, I was going to see it through. I can't think of anything that may come along that would make me feel so invested and want to finish a game that badly. GTA 5 is on the horizon, and while I'm sure I'll get it, and play it through over a series of months, I'm not that thrilled about the prospect like I used to be.

This takes me back to one thing: I'm old. I'm married, and I have a daughter. I can't wait for her to be old enough to play so that I can help her through my favorite games and see what her reaction is to their moments, to their play styles. But what if she doesn't like them? What if she has no interest? I know that probably means she has taste (JK). What I can't help but feel is that I have lost my sense of why I game in the first place. I used to play games partially because it was my reading. I'm not a book person, and while I have a few that I have read and love it's not my deal. My reading was through text in games, thinking about the story arch and what would happen next. I also played because those were my friends. I was never popular, and being a solitary person anyway, I never really did much else.

Gaming isn't giving me what I remember. I remember walking to rent a game, choosing based off the box, and playing it for a weekend and being happy or disappointed or whatever, but it was my choice. I remember finding gems because the game had the same developer (Chrono), or because it looked similar to my fav games (Illusion of Gaia). Now it's all backwards. People tell me what they like, I read reviews and it skews my perception, and I miss games that I probably would love. I know the easy answer is to just avoid the previews, reviews and opinions and just pick a game and play it. But when you're buying a game, or waiting 2 weeks for it to arrive, if it sucks man did you screw up. In essence, I have become a video game snob.

How do I defeat my snobbery? I want to just play games, and choose a game because it looks cool. But then I think about what if the controls will piss me off, and it takes me back to why I can't play FF13 still. It's a catch 22, and I'm infuriated. Why can't someone make a simple RPG with 16 bit graphics that I can read? I think at the end of it all, I'm sick of the bells and whistles. I want a simple game, one that brings back memories, and in the last 3 years, only one comes to mind: To The Moon. Some guy in his basement made that game (not actually, I think...), and it's the best thing I can remember in a long time.

To make things simple, here's my plea: I've lost my "Gamer", major game studios I implore you, help me find it!