Having these feelings for this girl is killing me on the inside. It might even be better to simply not have ANY feelings in this area at all. Just being totally neutral to girls, and not have to go through such avoidable pain. It's messed up though, cause if I could just turn the pain off, and stop thinking about her, I don't think I would do it. I may actually want to be in pain rather than to feel nothing in this area at all.

Hmm, but maybe I'm only saying that because I am currently being controlled by these emotions! If I were emotionless, I could maybe make a better decision. But wait! Maybe if I were emotionless, I wouldn't be able to see what I really want! Maybe I NEED these emotions to guide me, kind of like how a danger sense is useful.

This is so messed up.