Here's the second draft of my article. I've tried to clean up some ugly sentences and be more descriptive. Tell me what you think. Please, be critical. I want to get an A on this assignment. You guys are my secret weapon:
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Andrew Gaspar
Mrs. Marquardt
Adv. English II
23 January 2008
Snowmen
What has three body segments, wears food on its face, and perishes in weather above thirty-two degrees Fahrenheit? Why, snowmen, of course! These glorious symbols of winter have been constructed by many skilled artisans over the ages. The construction of these beautiful creations has always been an enjoyable group activity. Snowmen are majestic creatures that have been built by many over the ages and have cultures that much mirror our own.
A standard snowman has a very basic composition. He usually has three body segments with arms as thin as twigs. This condition keeps snowmen from building any magnificent structures, though natural selection is sure to kick in sooner or later, right? As for their faces, most snowmen are outfitted with vegetables for noses, with eyes and mouths made of ancient fossilized plants. They are vested in very plain clothes, usually a plain black top hat with a cotton scarf. They may appear ordinary, but their diet isn't.
So, I suppose you are wondering what the diet of these creatures consists of. Well, the snowman's main source of nourishment is the chemical H2O, in its solid state and in a powdery form, of course. This chemical, which is the same substance the flesh of the snowmen is mainly comprised of, tastes much like water, though various pollutants such as animal waste and road salts can distill the normally plain taste of H2O. Thankfully, as long as snowmen eat untainted snow, they do not have to worry about the petty problem of BO that we humans possess. Nonetheless, many snow-women have had problems with this form of nutrition. You see, this chemical, or "snow" in snowmen slang, is converted immediately into fat as soon as the snowmen absorb it into their body. However, they do have a method of removing this excess fat, though the process is quite dangerous.
The snowpeople's - for the PC - main form of removing unwanted weight is referred to as "melting" by the kids. "Melting" involves being exposed to large amounts of UV rays from the sun. These rays will cause a physical change in a snowperson's body, indiscriminately changing "snow" into a liquid form which will usually mix in with the solid snow and create an unattractive physical condition called "slush". Also, severe melting can lead to complete deterioration of the snowperson's body, resulting in irreversible death, leaving only the snowperson's nose, mouth, arms, and eyes behind. This horrible method of weight loss is popular in the southern reaches of snowman land, though not all parts of the snowmen population are the same.
Snowmen thrive best in northern areas. Popular trends have influenced many snowpeople to move south. However, these snowpeople will only survive for one season, maybe one and a half. Also, thanks to horrible birth control methods, more and more snowchildren are being raised in environments inhospitable to them. However, up in the northern areas of Canada, Russia, and Greenland, as well as far down south in Antarctica, snowmen can survive for hundreds of years. These areas are by far the more desirable locations to live and raise a family for snowpeople.
The snowman is a beautiful creature of nature. Despite having some problems concerning weight and heat control, the snowman is a plain creature with very simple desires, though they are truly some of the most remarkable of God's creations. Hopefully you'll be able to meet one of the older and wiser ones someday. The snowman is a creature with a society that much mirrors our own and have been built by many over the ages.
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Fin. Please comment.