So, our first writing assignment in Advanced English II (Literature and Composition) is a descriptive essay... this is mine. What do you think? Please comment on possible revisions and changes that could be made to the paper. This is only my first draft. I will eventually update with my second draft and final draft, but I would just like to get some initial peer-to-peer feedback. Now, he's my paper in all of its MLA formatted glory:
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Andrew Gaspar
Mrs. Marquardt
Adv. English II
January 15, 2008
Snowmen (working title)
What has three body segments, wears food on its face, and perishes in weather above thirty-two degrees Fahrenheit? Why, snowmen, of course! These glorious symbols of winter have been built by many over the ages. The construction of these beautiful creations has always been an enjoyable group activity. Snowmen are majestic creatures that have been built by many over the ages and have cultures that much mirror our own.
A standard snowman has a very basic composition. He usually has three body segments with very thin arms. This condition keeps snowmen from building any magnificent structures, though natural selection is sure to kick in sooner or later, right? As for their faces, most snowmen have vegetables for a nose, with eyes and mouth made of ancient fossilized plants. They usually wear very plain clothes, usually a plain black top hat with a cotton scarf. They may appear ordinary, but their diet isn't.
So, I suppose you are wondering what the diet of these creatures consists of. Well, the snowman's main source of nourishment is the chemical H2O, in its solid state and in a powdery form, of course. However, many Snow-women have had problems with this form of nutrition. You see, this chemical, or "snow" in snowmen slang, turns right into fat as soon as the snowmen absorb it into their body. However, they do have a method of removing this excess fat, though the process is quite dangerous.
The snowpeople's - for the PC - main form of removing unwanted weight is referred to as "melting" by the kids. "Melting" involves being exposed to large amounts of UV rays from the sun. These rays will cause a physical change in a snowperson's body, indiscriminately changing "snow" into a liquid form which will usually mix in with the solid snow and create an unattractive physical condition called "slush". Also, severe melting can lead to complete deterioration of the snowperson's body, resulting in irreversible death, leaving only the snowperson's nose, mouth, arms, and eyes behind. This horrible method of weight loss is popular in the southern reaches of snowman land, though not all parts of the snowmen population are the same.
Snowmen thrive best in northern areas. Popular trends have influenced many snowpeople to move south. However, these snowpeople will only survive for one season, maybe one and a half. Up in the northern areas of Canada, Russia, and Greenland, as well as far down south in Antarctica, snowmen can survive for hundreds of years. If you ever take a vacation to one of the many snowtowns that became wildly popular in northern Canada in the 19th century, you may want to visit some of the snowelders and receive some of their wisdom. The wisest of them, however, are found in remote regions that are inhospitable to human life.
The snowman is a beautiful creature of nature. Despite having some problems concerning weight and heat control, the snowman is a plain creature with very simple desires, though they are truly some of the most remarkable of God's creations. Hopefully you'll be able to meet one of the older and wiser ones someday. The snowman is a creature with a society that much mirrors our own and have been built by many over the ages.
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P.S. Should I just leave the title as "Snowmen", or should I change it. Any suggestions?