Im back after 3 years , another update , my grandma died 4 months after my post in 2014 , i was bracing for that moment all my life hit me hard tho yet lighter than i expected , she was my everything i thought family is gonna be supportive ,bullshit i became lonely and depressed noone was there but me and the demon waiting for my downfall pretending to be my friend , i knew i changed i hardened up 2015 was the year when i got my first paid job , shit got preety sterile, work eat sleep i treated myself to some nice stuff however money did not give me the happiness that i expected yet made me more miserable, i kept my composure thanks to my determined motivated and hard character, at this point i changed even more i matured yet i was getting more and more lonely i miss my grandma. 2016 i call it year of the phoenix, i was going crazy it was my downfall i thought i have everything undercontrol i was wrong i became so lonely i started talking to myself or was i ? ofcourse i wasnt i was talking to my friend which was me haha i made head manager quit his job he thought he can **** with me? (no homo) hell naw nigga 19 year old showed him where his place is i was proud of myself yet still miserable of the loneliness that i was left with in 2014, i met this girl on the internet loved her big boobs i thought she is ginger at first (my type) i thought im gonna be with her for her big tits and ginger hair and when i saw her nice thick ass and that yummy pussy and how nice she is i fell in love , i legit smacked myself in imaginery LOVE sign thats how hard i fallen for this girl however she was the reason of my downfall , i know nothing new and all that bullshit , i became more paranoid i started losing my mind plus she got a kid plus its long distance that shit cant work out right ? plus my paranoia and my buddy that i was talking all this time (my mind or was it?) was telling me what to do but i couldnt listen to him or else id become complete lonely freak , i wanted to be alone yet she fought for this relationship to work no shit guy like me and her situation perfect combo (we both fucked in the head so that works out perfect) i however lost it to my paranoia and wanted her to kill herself but it wasnt me it was the demon inside my head my so called buddy he wanted to use me and my paranoia to make her kill herself she legit loved me tho and she has proven that in my TRIALS one day i snapped and she snapped and stoped loving me it hurt , i felt the lonliness again however it was not that bad the bad thing was not touching her not feeling her big tities not fucking her in her hairy pussy and i legit deserve it 2017 new chapter new me i got blessed by god jesus christ he opened my eyes and showed me that the demon is making me hate veryone her and just hate in general i opened myself and im winging shit from now on quit job and am waiting for her to come its 18 07 2017 im sitting here in my underware writing this while she on the fone playing red dead redemption i feel no hate towards her but hunger for her hairy (i made her make it hairy :D) yummy pussy her big tities and that yummy cute ginger face grrrrrr getting horny haha i guess ill see what future holds but ill deffo update it here next year. keep it strong d you are the best i love you (btw i quit cigarettes in 2016 so yeey )