C WAT I DID THAR!?

Anyway, no this is not my idea on a new strange mash-up. This is just two reviews crammed into one blog post.

Condemned 2: Bloodshot (X360)

Condemned returns bloodier, more brutal, and a whole lot more polished than the first. The new fighting system, chock full of combos, finishing grabs, and environmental executions, is incredibly thrilling and smooth, but the auto lock on can mess you up a lot when a brawl turns into a straight-out cluster****. I'd say it is almost too deep for the gameplay. But whatever control issues you might encounter, few things relieve stress like putting a guy's skull inside an industry-strength presser and squeezing until it pops like a grape tomato (I don't know, I was plattering those yesterday...), except much bigger...and filled with bone and brain. The cut scenes, oh man, the cut scenes are BEAUTIFUL, there's just something about the lighting that make them look so damn appealing. So let's get to the story, since we all know that's most important part (contradict me, I dare you). The updated character models really help since Ethan and Rosa don't look ridiculously pudgy anymore. Ethan, though people have complaining he's now "just another stereotypical badass", he's really not. He went through hell and high water in the first game, and came out tougher and scarred because of it. The game deals with his inner demons, namely Alchohol and Acceptance, in a way that even impressed my mom, who used to be all up-in-arms just by looking at the title screen. Rosa, I must say, is likely the most dignified black character in gaming as of yet. The rest of the cast I was thoroughly impressed with. Even though, it's fairly obvious who the villain is by the second mission, I think Bloodshot's story was excellently written. Some have said it's completely ridiculous and doesn't make any sense. I enjoyed it very much, and I think it builds up quite nicely, with a great cliffhanger that has me all fidgety for Condemned 3. As Sam said, it's "just a lot to wrap your head around." The multiplayer offers plenty of stuff to fool around with, even though there's quite a case of "host advantage" and in Crime Scene mode, the balance is very, well, unbalanced.

Final Rating: 9.4

Penny Arcade Adventures: On The Rain-Slick Precipice Of Darkness: Episode One (XBLA)

Ah, now here's a good RPG! And it's funny, imagine that. Well, no ****, it's Penny Arcade. The hilarious web comic-now-turned-video game executes it's transition flawlessly. With a slick (hehe, get it) design interface all the way through, and cool, albeit short, comic-sty1e cutscenes. The turn-based battle system is really more like the ATB system from some of the Final Fantasy games. All in all, the game is short, exciting, hilarious, offensive (in a good way), epic, and, oh did I mention hilarious, all the way through. It's a little pricey at $20 but it's worth it. Oh, yeah, it is.

Final Rating: 9.8