That's it. I'm done with console launches. I will never again buy a console at or near the launch window. (Fast forward 5 years when I'm first in line for the Nintendo NewStupidName and someone please kick my ass for surrendering my dignity.)

My Xbox 360 lit up with the red ring of death not 3 days after I purchased it. My PSP screen was full of dead pixels. The hinge on my DS Lite is cracked. I told myself that the Wii would be the last launch system I ever buy. I trusted Nintendo, because they have a great history of producing consoles that actually work like they're supposed to.

What I didn't plan on, and it's my own stupid fault for developing fanboy goggles over the past 20 years, was Nintendo's lack of experience online. I could deal with the lack of foresight on their part for not supplying us with enough component cables or Wii-motes. As long as I could play Zelda, a few of the Virtual Console titles would hold me over until more substantial releases like Smash Bros., WarioWare, Mario Galaxy, etc.

So I turned my system on last week and tried connecting to the Shop Channel. Random error code. OK. I probably just mis-configured something with my network encryption. My 360, PSP, and DS all work fine wirelessly, so the Wii should have no problem. Just to be safe, I remove the encryption from my network. Different random error code. I try "borrowing" my neighbor's wireless network, just to see if the problem was on my end. Different random error code. I call Nintendo, and they give me a few things to try. I change the channel on my router, enter the Wii's IP address manually, enable MAC filtering on my router, disable the firewall, jump through a hoop, fetch a stick. Two one-hour phone calls with tech support and one one-hour session with a Nintendo Wi-Fi specialist later, and I still can't get online with the Wii. Not only that, but they have absolutely no explanation for why it isn't working. None of my other systems have trouble with the network, and my Wii should be online using these settings. But it isn't. And no one knows why.

So, obviously, if three Nintendo representatives can't figure out what's wrong, maybe they should send out a replacement system? Nope. My call-back is left open so they can take another week or so to try and figure things out on their end, if they do figure it out. These are the Wi-Fi specialist's words, not mine.

In the end, launch systems just aren't worth it. And, apparently, neither is customer service.