Some more letters that failed to give me enough inspiration last time around...enjoy!

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Dear American Eagle,

I wanted to let you know how I felt about your clothes. I recently came into acquisition of some of your belts from someone who, as my mother put it, "had a weight change". I'm just as confused as you are at this point but that's beside the point. Upon first glance, I noticed that the belts are very snazzy looking and the donut-shaped rivets look pretty cool.

The problem lies in this: you belts don't work. I know that's hard to believe as it's a piece of cloth that keeps your shorts above the crack line but every time I wear one of your belts my pants fall down. You may want to hire new designers who have a high-school education so that they are able to design a piece of clothing that will stay on until you want to take it off, instead of my clothes deciding for me that it's time to moon the world. Thank you for taking the time to hear me,

_Dan

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Dear Freshman who felt it necessary to not use the toilet in my bathroom,

You are an idiot who has cost me money now that the dorm is charging me for your mistake. I hope your mother is proud of you.

_Dan

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Dear Akon,

Who the hell are you and why are you coming to my school? Why do people feel necessary to obscure at least one of the chalk or white boards in my courses with messages about seeing you? Are you some sort of spiritual healer? Do you crack jokes that I would want to hear? Or are you some sort of inspirational speaker? I'm not paying $15 to find out what you do, especially since it will turn out to be rap.

_Dan

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