Weird friggin' spacing :P

Life Achievement Unlocked: Make an Asian ragequit a Pokemon battle

I was experiencing the kind of boredom only experienced by the elderly, the kind where you just don't want to do anything, you can't find work, and you just want the day to end. I figured I'd put my time to "good" use and learn how to play Pokemon the "right" way and with my newfound free time I decided to start up a team for online battling. This is super nerdy, the kind of nerddom

that it's contagious and you'll likely hold your crucifix to computer and wash your eyeballs out with holy water. Or Ken's Italian dressing. Feel the burn.

So about an hour ago I finished my first "victory" in Pokemon online battling (battling online, not "Pokemon Online"). It was against a player in Tokyo. Things got off to a rough start as they seemed to have the perfect counter to my 3-pokemon party. I typically lead with a

***WARNING!! HUGE NERD VOLCABUlARY REQUIRED TO UNDERSTANDTHIS--SKIP AHEAD iF IT MAKES NO SENSE TO YOU***

choice scarf Heracross (adamant, +252 atk, spd, +1 hp) and I like to bring my obnoxious Dusknoir (impish, +16 hp, +80 atk, +160 def, +252 s.def) nicknamed "Scrambles the death dealer" for it's obnoxious spread of stats, its obnoxious pressure ability, and its obnoxious movepool of Shadow

Sneak, Will-O-Wisp, Pain Split, and Ice Punch. Heracross typically scares off any leading Pokemon save for another Heracross since it has a movepool that pretty much can counter anything so long as it goes first. This time I brought along my Gliscor of my own personal build with a

lot of defense and the new Toxic Heal ability which heals 1/8 of its health when I get toxic on it. It's got substitute, protect, toxic, and earthquake and I built it specifically to take out Snorlax, Chansey, and Slaking (semi-standard toxic-stall team on a not-so-great toxic-staller). So pretty much water and ice types will ruin my day.

So they lead off with a Starmie. Friggin' awesome. Starmie has a bunch of moves that will pretty much 1-hit-KO my team. It's got hard-hitting psychic moves that will destroy my Heracross' fighting type; it's got hard-hitting water moves that'll take out my Gliscor in a single wave; it's got moves to heal itself and moves to remove any arena traps such as spikes or stealth rock. Its nickname is pretty much "make dubel_07 regret playing this game". Intense profanity ensued, pillows were

screamed into, air was punched. As far as I was concerned, it was game over right there.

Looking at my moves, my choices were a rock move that wasn't too fantastic against a water type, a fighting move that wouldn't do anything for me and, in fact, would actually hurt me in the long run, and my choice of a dark move or a bug move that would hit incredibly hard.

"&#%@ IT", I thought, clicking on Megahorn, the second-most badass-sounding move in the Pokemon universe.

They swapped out to their very-own Gliscor. Which resists Megahorn. Great. And I'm stuck on Megahorn. Great. I swapped to my Dusknoir as it decides to attack my wall of death. Scrambles laughs off any attempts for Pokemon to attack it. Their Gliscor uses roost and gets some health back, I use ice punch and bring its hp back down. Stalling continues as they roost over and over, then I switch to Will-O-Wisp and burn it. Sweet.

Next, they swich out to a Rotom. I knew nothing about Rotom. Thing looks like a refrigerator, and brings my health down to pretty much dead. I get a hit off and they finally take down Scrambles :(

I bring back in my Gliscor. Earthquake sounds awesome, let's do it. Turns out Rotom is

immune to ground moves. Great. Over the next 30 minutes I have to deal with a staller of their own. I sub-protect until they make a mistake and I eventually give in and switch to my Heracross. Night slash ends their substitute. They are not happy. I switch back to Dracula! and they switch to their Starmie. Great. I used Toxic, my one last hope, and it misses. More profanity is shouted. They used Psyshock, which, luckily, sucks against Gliscor. I decide to go all-out and use earthquake on it. Lucky crit brings

down their Starmie. Rotom is left. WOO!

Rotom switches in and switch to Heracross and start night slashing until it dies, which doesn't happen. I bring in Dracula! and commence sub-protecting until its burn kills it. 40 minutes of stalling later: "Your opponent has disconnected from Wi-Fi. Returning you to

the game"

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._______________.

Bittersweet. It was a ranking battle so I don't get credit, they don't lose it but I get to tell you about how

I beat an Asian at Pokemon.