This is my first episode of the season 5 I am making. Just so you know, this episode isn't necessarily supposed to be that funny, like the normal episodes of Drake and Josh are. It has some funny moments in it, but not a lot. Enjoy!
Drake and Josh
Season 5
Episode 1
"Problem Teenagers"
(Drake is in his bedroom on his couch and Josh is downstairs in the kitchen, making a sandwich)
Drake - Sometimes, I wish that I was more like Josh and less like.....me.
Josh - I wonder what it would be like if I was more like Drake?
Drake - You know, just so I could get better grades in school and I wouldn't have such a short attention span....other than that, Josh has no other qualities that I'm interested in.
Josh - A few days ago, me an my girlfriend, Mindy, got into an argument and I have no idea how to smooth it out.
Drake - Like today, in English Mrs.Haifer yelled at me after class for like half an hour 'cause I wasn't paying attention.
Josh - But, I betcha Drake would know how to smooth it out.
Drake - Little did she know, I wasn't paying attention there either.
Josh - Luckily, for me, Drake did smooth it out for me!
Drake - Josh just doesn't know how lucky he really is.
Scene 1 - Mrs.Haifer's Cla ss Room
(Students, including Drake and Josh, and Mrs.Haifer present),
Mrs.Haifer - OK, now cla ss Greek Mythology is very simple to understand. But, none of it is real. What do we call things that are not real, Travis?
Travis - Fiction.
Mrs.Haifer - That is correct. What are the three "big", or main, gods, Drake?
(Drake lifts his head off of his desk and looks at Mrs.Haifer)
Drake - Poseidon, Zeus, and Hades.
Mrs.Haifer - WRONG! Todd, what are the three main gods?
Todd - Hades, Poseidon, and Zeus.
Mrs.Haifer - Correct!
Drake - Wait a sec, I said the same thing that he said!
Mrs.Haifer - Yes, you did, but Todd gave me the answer in the way that I wanted.
Drake - It doesn't matter what order the answer is given! You're lucky that I even got that right! Half the time I'm not even paying attention! And when I am, you ask me a question, I give you the RIGHT answer, and you say it's wrong because "I didn't give it to you in the order you wanted!"
Class - OOOOO!!!
Mrs.Haifer - Drake, I don't think you're realizing how big of a disturbance you are being to the other cla ssrooms with you shouting and sorts.
Drake - Like I care whether I'm being a distributive or not!
(Josh leans up in his desk to whisper into Drake's ear)
Josh - Disturbance, not distributive!
Drake - Like I care! (Clearly embarrassed)
Mrs.Haifer - See, cla ss. Yet, another sign that Mr.Parker doesn't pay attention to what people are saying and how they say it!
Drake - You know I'm not good with big words!
(Josh leans up in his desk again to, again, whisper into Drake's ear)
Josh - Drake, disturbance is a 3rd grade reading level vocabulary word.
Mrs.Haifer - Indeed, it is. Drake, do you need to be sent back to 3rd grade?
Drake - Anything to get away from this zoo of a cla ssroom.
Mrs.Haifer - Drake, go to the principal's office!
Drake - What?!.
Mrs.Haifer - Principal's office!
(Drake leaves the cla ssroom and slams the door behind him)
Scene 2 - Prinicpal's Office
(Drake, Principal, Walter, and Audrey present)
(whispering)
Audrey - Principal Alan, I know that Drake isn't the best student in the world, but he isn't exactly the worst.
Principal Alan - He's definitely one of the worst student's that I've ever handled.
Walter - How so?
Principal Alan - Well, to start off with he's always late to cla ss.
Audrey - That's because Drake is slow at things that put pressure on him.
Walter (lying) - Yes, that is true. We see it all the time with him at home.
(Walter glares at Audrey)
Principal Alan - He always back-sasses the teachers.
Walter - That boy back-sasses everybody! That's just how Drake is!
Principal Alan - Well, at this school we don't not tolerate, nor appreciate it!
Walter - Understood.
Audrey - Is there anything else?
Principal Alan - Yes, there is one more thing. Drake never turns in his homework.
Audrey - Yeah, I have no defence for that one. Do you, Walter?
Walter - Nope. Not at all.
(Drake stands up and walks over to his parents and principal)
Drake - So you guys think I'm an idiot?
Audrey - Drake, of course we don't!
Principal - Frankly, yes I do.
Audrey - Then why are you a principal? You have no right to go around telling kids that they are idiots!
Principal Alan - The only reason why I chose this job is because my wife told me to get a job child-oriented. She said if I didn't she would kick me out of the house and believe me, I was NOT going to become a hobo!
(Drake, Audrey, and Walter all stare at Principal Alan weirdly)
Principal Alan - Hey, it's true! Call my wife and ask her.
Audrey - That won't be necessary. Come on Drake, lets go.
Principal Alan - School isn't over yet.
Audrey - For Drake it is.
(Audrey, Drake, and Walter leave the Principal's Office and head for home)
Scene 3 - After School, The Premiere Movie Theater
(Josh present)
(Josh is wiping off the counter at the snack bar)
(Gavin walks out of the hallway and into the main area of the movie theater)
Gavin - Hey, Josh.
Josh - Oh, hey Gavin.
Gavin - There's a skunk in Theater 8. Helen wants it out.
Josh - I'm kinda busy here, can you go get it?
Gavin - No.
Josh - Where are you going?
Gavin - To go sleep in my car.
Josh - What happened to the sleeping on the roof?
Gavin - There's to much bird poop on there. Now, I sleep in my car during work.
(Josh looks at Gavin suspiciously)
Josh - OK then.
(Mindy walks in the movie theater)
Mindy - Hey, Josh!
Josh - Why, hello Ms.Crenshaw!
(Mindy leans over thee counter and kisses Josh)
Mindy - So, how was your school day?
Josh - OK, I guess, other than what happened to Drake.
Mindy - Oh, yeah, I heard. Did he get suspended for bad mouthing a teacher like that?
Josh - I'm not sure. Drake didn't come back to any of his ****s today, so I'm guessing he might have gotten suspended.
Mindy - Serves him right.
Josh - What do you mean?
(Josh stops wiping the counter and puts the rag down)
Mindy - Drake shouldn't get away with talking to teachers, or anybody, like that. He deserved to get punished.
Josh - Listen, Mindy, I know you hate Drake, but Mrs.Haifer was really treating him like a poo-on-a-stick.
Mindy - What on a stick?
Josh - Never mind. My point is, Mrs.Haifer was picking on Drake DELIBERATELY to get him angry and want to start a fight.
Mindy - That's absurd!
Josh - Why is it "absurd"? It's the truth!
Mindy - Sure it is. You're just afraid to admit that I'm right and you're wrong, as usual.
Josh - Mindy-
(Mindy cuts him off)
Mindy - And you're afraid to admit that your brother may have gotten a suspension.
Josh - Yeah, I'm afraid. Drake goes through this stuff like every day because Mrs.Haifer has it in for him.
(Long pause)
Josh - Did you say that you were always right and that I was always wrong?
Mindy - Yes. Yes, I sure did Josh.
Josh - Why would you even say that to me?
Mindy - What, do you think you rule me or something?
Josh - Being your boyfriend yes, I think I do have control over you.
Mindy - If that's what you think then here.
(Mindy dumps her fruit punch all over Josh's head)
(Josh is stunned)
(Mindy leaves The Premiere, angry)
(Josh sticks his fingers in his hair and licks them)
Josh - Good punch.
(Josh begins to wipe the counter off again)
Scene 4 - Parker/Nichols Household - Drake and Josh's Bedroom
(Drake present)
(Drake is laying on his bed, almost asleep)
(Josh walks in a slams the door behind him)
(Josh throws his backpack on the table, angrily)
(Josh begins to pace around the room)
Josh - Today was such a pleasant day! My girlfriend broke up with me! Can you believe that Drake?
(Josh looks up to see him brother laying on his bed)
Josh - Dude, don't you even care that I just got dumped?
Drake - I could honestly care less right now, Josh.
(Drake sits up and jumps off his bed)
(Drake walks over the mini-refrigerator in their room and pulls out a Moca Cola)
(Drake opens his soda and takes a drink)
Drake - What's all over your head?
Josh - Oh, that's just the fruit punch that Mindy dumped on my head when she broke up with me!
Drake - Oh.
Josh - Yeah "Oh". How could you not even care?
Drake - I have problems of my own, Josh.
Josh - Like what?
Drake - Never mind. You were there!
Josh - Oh, that.
Drake - Yeah.
Josh - You'll get over it though, right? I mean, this happens to you a lot anyway.
(Drake sits down on the couch)
(Josh sits down next to him)
Drake - I don't know if I'll get over it this time. Mom and Dad were so upset.
Josh - Drake, this isn't like you. Usually you'd be over it by now.
Drake - I can't get over it! I don't know why! It's like I actually care about what people think of me!
Josh - You're supposed to care about that.
Drake - Why?
Josh - Because....
(Long pause)
Josh - I don't know why, you just are supposed too.
Drake - OK, then Dr.Phil.
Josh - Whatever, bro.
(Josh stands up and is about ready to leave)
(Drake stands up as well)
(Drake puts his hand on Josh's shoulder and turns him around)
Drake - Josh, I gotta deal that we can make.
Josh - What kind of deal?
Drake - One that benefits me and you.
Josh - You and I.
Drake - You and I what?
(Drake looks at Josh questioningly and Josh gives Drake a glare)
Josh - Never mind! Just continue.
Drake - If you help me study, and try to pull my grades up, then I'll help you get Mindy back.
(Josh ponders the thought for a moment)
Josh - OK, deal.
(Drake and Josh shake hands)
Josh - What cla sses to you need help in?
Drake - All of them besides gym and music.
(Josh slaps himself on the forehead)
Josh - This is going to be a long night.
Drake - But, before we hit the books, as you smartish-type people say, what were you and Mindy arguing about anyway.
Josh - Whether or not you deserved to be punished or not.
Drake - Oh. Well, who's side did you take? (Obviously caring)(Josh puts his hand on Drake's back)
Josh - Yours, bro, of course.
Drake - You don't think that I deserved to be punished?
Josh - Not for the whole Mrs.Haifer thing, but maybe for not doing your homework.
Drake - Thanks, bro.
Josh - You're welcome.
(Drake and Josh sit back down on the couch and Josh helps Drake study and do his homework)
(Music is playing as it shows Josh struggling to help Drake with his homework for the first few nights)
Scence 5 - Mr.Roland's Cla ssroom
(Students, including Drake and Josh, and Mr.Roland present)
Mr.Roland - Can't anyone get this experiment right? You guys have nearly blown up my cla ssroom twenty different times today! (Angry)How about you, Mr.Parker? Can you do this expierement right?
(Drake looks up at Mr.Roland)
(Mr.Roland gives Drake a small smile and a nod)
(Drake mixes the chemicals together and gets it right)
Mr.Roland - You see cla ss you all were putting to much sodium in there, which causes it to explode, instead of spill over like it was supposed too.
(Mr.Roland puts his hand on Drake's shoulder)
Mr.Roland - Well done, Mr.Parker.
(Drake looks back at Josh and smiles)
Scene 6 - Parker/Nichols Household - Drake and Josh's Bedroom
(Drake and Josh present)
Drake - Josh, I cannot thank you enough for helping me out this past week.
Josh - No problem, bro. All I had to do was tutor you a little bit myself and then I had to get the teachers to help you one on one.
Drake - What you did definitely worked!
Josh - Now, you gotta do your end of the deal.
(Drake sits down on the couch)
Drake - Get you and Mindy back together?
Josh - Yeah.
Drake - OK, I can tell you what to say and how to act, but you have to say it.
Josh - What! That was never part of it!
(Drake looks up at Josh)
Drake - Dude, she's your girlfriend!
Josh - Dude, I don't care! I want you to talk to her. Tell her how sorry I am.
Drake - Josh-
(Josh cuts Drake off)
Josh - You promised.
Drake - OK, I'll do it.
Josh - Thank you.
Drake - Yeah, whatever.
Scene 7 - Crenshaw Household
(Drake present)
(Drake knocks on Mindy's door)
(A boy, approximately eleven-years-old, opens up the door)
Boy - What do you want?
Drake - Is Mindy there?
Boy - What's it to ya, Scum Bag?
Drake - Can I talk to Mindy?
Boy - It depends. How badly do ya wanna see her?
Drake - Kid, just please let me talk to her!
Boy - Five bucks and I'll let ya in.
Drake - Dude, no way!
(Footsteps approaching)
(Mindy appears at the door)
(Mindy looks down at the boy)
Mindy - David? What are you doing?
David - I was just answerin' the door, sis. This Scum Bag here wants to talk to ya. I told him I'd let him in for five bucks.
(Mindy makes hand gesture towards Drake)
Mindy - Five bucks please.
Drake - WHAT!? No way I'm giving you five dollars!
(Mindy turns around to David)
Mindy - Go upstairs, David.
Drake - Yeah. Run along you disturbed child.
(David sticks his tongue out at Drake, turns around, and leaves the room)
Mindy - Alright, Parker, you got five minutes. Now talk!
Drake - What happened between you and Josh was kinda ny fault, according to Josh.
Mindy - Yeah, so.
Drake - So that means that you must still like Josh because you broke up with him because of -
(Mindy cuts Drake off)
Mindy - I didn't break up with Josh. I just got really mad at him because he always sided with you.
Drake - You didn't break up with him?
Mindy - No, I would never do that over something that stupid.
Drake - But, he said that you broke up with him.
Mindy - Well, I didn't.
Drake - But, you dumped fruit punch all over him.
Mindy - That doesn't mean that I broke up with him. I never even said that I was breaking up with him. Why would he assume that?
Drake - I guess because you dumped fruit punch all over his head.
Mindy - That was just because I was really mad.
Drake - I don't get what you were so mad at him for. He was just supporting his brother.
Mindy - That doesn't matter. You deserved to be punished.
Drake - Look, Mindy, I don't want to start an argument, so I'll just leave. But, please call Josh and work this out. Tell him that you didn't break up with him.
Mindy - OK, Parker. Will do.
Drake - Thanks.
Mindy - Bye, Micro-Brain.
Drake - Bye, Mindy.
(Drake turns around and begins to walk away)
(Mindy closes the door and turns around)
Mindy - He didn't call me a name. That's kind of odd.
(Mindy heads upstairs to her room)
Scene 8 - Parker/Nichols Household - Living Room
(Josh present)
(Josh is sitting on the couch, watching TV)
(Drake walks in the door)
(Drake walks over and sits down on the couch next to Josh)
Josh - What'd she say? Does she take me back?
(Telephone rings)
Drake - Answer it.
(Josh picks up the phone)
Josh - Hello? Hi, Mindy?
(Drake smiles at his brother the whole time he is one the phone)
(Josh says good-bye and hangs up the phone)
(Josh smiles at Drake)
Josh - You're the best!
Drake - Yeah, I know.
(Josh stands up)
(Drake stands up)
Josh - HUG ME BROTHER!
(Drake and Josh hug)
(Megan walks in the living room with her camera)
(Megan takes a picture of them hugging)
Megan (Smiling evilly) - This is so going on the Internet!