Now, I'm hardly strange enough to rival Lieutenant Colonel Kojak Slaphead the Third of the Bald Brummies Against The Big-Footed Conspiracy Party, but I'm also not exactly a regular guy you might bump into on the street. Possibly because I'm a reclusive hermit who goes outside only to raid local stores for vital provisions once every fortnight. But there is one strange thing I can, well, not boast about, because boasting about strangeness is pretentious and if there's one thing anyone can say about me it would definitely be that I'm not pretentious. Even though I am pretty ****ing awesome and really goodlooking too and everything I say is both awesome and correct. But I wouldn't boast about my strangeness, since that really is pretentious. So instead of boasting about my strangeness, because that would be pretentious, I;m going to boast about my strangeness. Specifically, my strange hair.

I've had many hairstyIes through the years. The first interesting hairstyIe I remember getting was a spiky haircut, beause I wanted to imitate my hero, Sonic the Hedgehog. I was pretty young at the time, and although I don't remember pretty much anything that happened in my life before yesterday, I do remember getting that haircut because the haircutter woman said to my mother: This one will break a few hearts, won't he?

That line has haunted me my entire life. How could someone so well educated that she decided academia was below her and instead chose a career cutting hair be so wrong about my future?

Anyway, spiky hair isn't so weird, but it slowly got weirder - and longer. A lot longer. You can't really fully appreciate quite how long in the photo below, but I have in the past had a ponytail down to my waistline.

People could tell how epic a nerd I was just by looking at me. Or by standing downwind.

Now, that's not really strange, I know. That's just long hair. Very long hair! And one thing I can tell you about long hair - when coupled with a bad shampoo, you malt. A lot. Think cat in the summer. Stroke it and giant handfulls come out. That's kind of what my hair was like. I didn't have anyone stroking my hair, sadly, but it still came out all over the place. I decided that the only sensible thing to do was to collect all my hair and make a little nest out of it.

Not big enough for a real egg, I know, but it was big enough for some Cadbury's Mini Eggs:

So I decided it was high time I started buying Cadbury's Mini Eggs, even though I don't really like them, and started keeping them in my nest that I made out of my own hair that I harvested from my bedroom floor.

And that's my strange hair.