I recently bought Super Meat Boy.

You can see where this is going right?

I'm inclined to describe this game as Platform Hell, but that's wrong, because:

A) it's a gross understatement.

B) If it really were Hell, Meat Boy wouldn't be jumping around, he would be nicely grilled from the heat and flames and we could all eat him and sing around a roaring fire instead of crying in shame and despair.

I don't even want to hear how "oh please, Battletoads is a much harder game" and how our generation doesn't have enough hard games to toughen us up. Just because being eaten by lion hurts doesn't mean being scratched by an angry cat won't be unconfortable. SMB hates humanity with a passion, and wants to see us all suffer and die (supposedly so Meat people can be the ones to rule the Earth once again). Most of the game is spent telling yourself "next time I'll get it" and the part that's left is spent holding every swear word ever invented from bursting out your enraged mouth (in surprsing combinations, earlier I worked the words "scathing" and "henious" to a sentence that over five words for someone who sells their body). The entire experience consists of reaching very tight spaces with perfect precision and less than a split-second of time, and I find the idea laughably hard when IT CONTROLS LIKE A COW'S REAR END. I'm playing on keyboard, you see, and I fear I may break the space bar from pressing the "restart" command too many times. To conclude this miserable parade of sadness, I'll conclude by letting you imagine me buying a pound of ground beef and jamming a knife into it with a worrying amount of satisfaction that's growing with each stab.