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gamegadge

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#1 gamegadge
Member since 2006 • 977 Posts

Cheers for the reply again man, appreciated.

Indeed some lines were  mediocre - and yep, very much placed in the moment, this was all written in probably under 5 minutes when i had just got back from a night out - not the most critical of mindstates...but one of the most free...? :P

What lines were it in particular you found to be not up to scratch? Just interested if they would be the same ones i'd dock or not.

Also, lawl @ my botched oldy wordy language, who do i think i am, the deku tree? 

 

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#2 gamegadge
Member since 2006 • 977 Posts

To be;
to grit thine teeth and bare a misunderstanding,
so painful that on those dark nights
I ponder what questions can not answer.

Although the tired wolf pelts hail at the elf
nothing appears in the dark.
A dark form, only, seems to ride with bags full of dollars,
ever - nothing more. 

It is but folly, I propose.

Ivy dripping from my estranged lover's neck,
all is a joke and yet I do not laugh.

No moralistic answer,
no all encompassing son or God that smiles upon
the unwary.

I propose an apology to the sea's enyclopedia,
which shifts with the tide,
which is ever changing, yet, ever same.

My teachers all seemed to agree,
I am a scruff,
I am a dragon with a broken compass, yet -
I did not ask to be born in a broken timetable,
I do not want you to judge my cracked and limitedhourglass shot. 

Why do they blow spittal upon me,
for not knowing the definite up in the revolving set?
Why am I the bad seed,
when I am a seed, too, of your compromised bloom?

One million apologies
below street lights that punch my cheek bones,
ache for my belongings
which I deserve not to own.

If you, thy special moon,
with beautiful untouched smile,
could lace me a scripture
I would speak it, endless, from a volcano,
set to blow.

Yet who art thou,
Who presents no art yet who screams?
Who lets me feel torment but not the heights,
of which you promise?

Yet who art thou,
who thumps books yet does not describe the crease in the snow ball glass globe,
the one million plus snow drops
who plunder solitary icicle loneliness,
blessed not with western, sick, abundance
of material goods and paternal green notes.

There is a revolving man,
who revolves upon the javelin of prejudice,
being sick upon my brow.

I move to the sound of an ill underground but no whirlwind does embrace me,
no snowstorm does prevail as the singular,
wisdomic,
lord. 

I dance with two crooked yet blessed with athletic ability limbs,
two shakes to the subwoofers cry of anonymity,
it is painful relief to dance to confusion,
it is with guilt that I feel anything but sadness.

There are snowmen
in desserts,
who hold hands of rusted bronze -
who beg meekly for bread and fish.


How I wish I were Jesus,
with a face not white, a face not black,
yet a face of universal love -
who fed not the whip cracker but the hungry in times of need.

How I wish I were simply Him,
who feels fine when sleeping in his God given bed yet does not prey,
who feels no pain of consciousness,
who grows scruffy with no guilt -
for who easier is life for those with no higher burden?

The atheistic sick rock,
who does not feel for it's fellow magnets,
what a sad yet free organ - 
glowing, brown, unanimated, snob, who claims he is not -
I ask...what do you feel when you see those greater than you choke on gravel?

Do you feel,
or do you simply not care,
that the third wolrd Zeus is motherless and fatherless,
peniless and sick. 

Is your horizon spirits, not spiritual,
or should you enjoy enjoy your golden box in sick arrogance,
betting on gameshows which flirt with funds which could save precious life.

Why can the tree, which I see as a burning bush,not present me a blasphemous dove?
I ask in utter arrogance,
I seek as tears stream in self hate,
self absorbed yearning. 

I, in humulity, ask for nothing but a life for those living,
for those two lads in Ethiopia, who asked and did not beg,
for an education which I take for granted.

I, in humility, apologise for my arrogant and sick ways,
for I am, in this sorry world,
the most privelaged of ignorant beasts - 
yet often I forget to say thanks for a meal.

I, in humility, cry,
at God's need to seemingly fight with a so called Devil,
is the problem not beyond good and evil?

Is the problem, and indeed the blessing,
not existence its self - which no self aware being can comprehend,
yet can always be thankful for. 

Through epic grandiose battles,
and folly verbal fights,
I simply say "Thank You" to something I shall never understand.

Thank you, eternally,
for the strange energy which I consciously feel,
I am nothing without thee,
nor is the ant and nor is the ape. 

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#3 gamegadge
Member since 2006 • 977 Posts

Hi guys,

just wrote an epic reply but it got lost in between the signed in and not signed in limbo.

Indeed the spacial disorientation was a typo - silly me. It seems I am the real fool(Z3h) here.

Thank you both for replying to my ramblings, very much appreciated, it seems validation is the most one can ask for.

The draco line is simply an allusion to Draco Malfoy from HP, who seems evil but who knows what drove him to be such? Beyond good and evil...? Lame I know....to hell with it

I don't quite know what you mean by post-hardcore binging but I have something else I wrote now quickly in (I admit) pretty much the same state. Another thread I hope is justified.

Cheers, gadge. 

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#4 gamegadge
Member since 2006 • 977 Posts
[QUOTE="gamegadge"][QUOTE="Bucked20"] should check out 500 bars its dopeBucked20
almost broke my god damned neck.

Lol why ?

head bob symptomatic of the fly hip hop HA!
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#6 gamegadge
Member since 2006 • 977 Posts
should check out 500 bars its dopeBucked20
almost broke my god damned neck.
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#7 gamegadge
Member since 2006 • 977 Posts

first off - respects, alot of people are quick to judge who'd never post their **** up.

sounded dope to me

im drunk as hell but id bump it when ridin my bike man. special respects if that was truly off the head, wish we could hang and get retarded.

kinda like chiddy bang which, i personally, see as a positive. keep working, keep elevatin, keep goin.

peace.

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#8 gamegadge
Member since 2006 • 977 Posts

feel like jumping off a cliff
surrounded by ferocious guard swabbing vaginal rejects
allen ginsberg mouth forking my mother
spacial disorientiation,
glad to be part of the beast
at 4am like Thom's uncle, whithered
Knife collection dripping graciously with phantom opera muse.

Hop the channels 400 words per second
Every second a misfiring neuron checking for 
animated comedy of george carline/bush/hicks
custom pressed coin of disadvantaged meural.

draco drop sunken eyelid folk music
playing wildly on ocarinas in the uber mist.
an insane midget with scarlet beard and cracked ransom,
jaws wide with wanton rebuttal
like i am not a soldier or a beast i promise
please put those little dandylions in my hair
call them not weeds but trophies of the earth.

Collide with over zealous pamphlet holders
saying the future is in the hands of the man 
with a shrivelled dick, you sorry fork
toying with existence like wobble bass
at midnight on your own.

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#9 gamegadge
Member since 2006 • 977 Posts
[QUOTE="a-7493-23"]

derp? I am unfamiliar with that term. Additionally, may I inquire as to what your thoughts are on the writing in question other than "derp"?

lerfish

Derp is purely a sound.

It'slike one of the strange dinosaur/ish animal noises you start to make when the world gets too much... a bit like shnarf, shnep, doople, derp, merm ect

 

as for the poem i dont really know what else to say other than i like it... sorry, im very near useless.

 

hormshnerfp.

it's the language of the soul...man.... >_>

 

Anyway, I really liked both the pieces man. Good stuff. I don't know what to say either. Like lerfish i am very near useless.  

I did pick up on what foolzeh said about some of the long winded imagery breaking the flow/seeming jarring (the one about the sea stood out to me) but they weren't too painful - just at times did not feel totally natural.

For some reason it kind of reminded me of the Jacques Audiard film "Sur Mes Levres" (Read My Lips) - A great film in my opinion, I recommend it if you haven't seen it. 

I liked how the two pieces flowed between each other seamlessly and each focussed on the internal feelings of the person. It makes the reader think about how every character has their own struggle and perspective to deal with and not only the one the story/poem is about.  

Also the semi annual response - class.

I'm giving it a good read, but i won't vote yet due to more stuff inevitably coming. Looking forward to more. 

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#10 gamegadge
Member since 2006 • 977 Posts

havent read/commented or wrote much recently (feel like my brain isnt working. maybe it never was and i just realised?), plus im on archaic internet (again) so loading multiple pages is painful, but i read most of the new ones you have posted. I think I agree with Foolzeh, Dreams and Death and Everything Else were probably my favourites, but all had good lines scattered throughout.

This line in particular struck me as relateable (and good of course) "My future is on a stick attached to my back"  along with

"So now I'm spinning in circles,
Scratching my feet with my umbrella."