*continued from Video Game King's last blog post *
*opens eyes after being knocked out*
Wha........where am I? Is this......a cell? Oh sh*t, now I remember. Michael Jackson came to kidnap me as a command from VGK. And I think he hit me with a lifelike statue of Gary Coleman to knock me out. Damn, and now I'm in a cell. ANYONE THERE!!!!!????
*Sanjaya responds from the corner of the cell*
"You're not the only one in the cell you know. Stop shouting so loud. It makes my ears hurt and my hair rises like a razorback dog in alarm."
AHHHHHHH!!!! WTF ARE YOU DOING HERE!!!!!?????
"Well, after finally leaving all the fame behind after being voted off American Idol, I was walking down the street, crying like a 7 year old in the Great Depression. Then, from out of nowhere, Michael Jackson just started beating the bejesus out of me. I never thought he could fight like that. Such a man. Such a strong ma--"
Ok, before you go into any immoral fantasies that would even make a prison rape seem satisfying to imagine, what the hell happened you fruitfly?
*Jeff Goldblum yells from farther in the dungeon*
"DID SOMEONE MENTION SOMETHING ABOUT A FLY DOWN THERE????!!!!!"
*Sanjaya continues on, not noticing Jeff Goldblum's distinct voice*
"Like, SORRY! GOD! Anyways, Michael just started beating the tar out of me, and next thing I know, before he knocked me out, he whispered in my ear something like 'This is for trying to be an imitation of me with all your stupid dance moves and queer actions' or something like that, and next thing I know, I woke up he--"
JEFF!!!!??? IS THAT YOU!!!!!!?????
"COLONEL!!!!??? IS THAT YOU MAN!!!!???? WHERE ARE YOU!!!!!?????"
I'm actually in the cell next to you. I just figured that out just now for some reason, when your voice sounded abnormally louder than it should've.
"Oh damn. Well, ha, guess we can tone down our voices a little bit. Who's in that cell with you anyways? I keep hearing another voice. Sounds feminine, too. Is there a woman in there seducing you, you pimp;) ?"
Actually...........heh, yeah, like THAT would happen in a prison. But anyways, it's actually that Sanjaya that was making controversy on American Idol. He's bugging the sh*t outta me, t--
"What! How could you mistaken me for a girl!!!?? I don't sound like one!!"
*Seann William Scott appears in the other cell over*
"Actually, Manjina, you actually do sound like a chick. It's pretty f*cking freaky, too. Everytime I start to get little Jimmy out to start shaking the moneymaker with pleasurable thoughts in my mind, I hear your f*cking voice and it f*cks up my focus. Not only that, but that fruity smile bothers the sh*t outta me, too. It's very girly, man......or should I say, woman. HAHA!"
"*sniff* YOU GUYS ARE SO MEAN!!!! WHY IS SOCIETY SO CRUEL!!!?? ALL I WANTED WAS A CHANCE AT FAME TO MAKE MY FAMILY PROUD!!!!!"
"Man, it should've been your sister instead to make it that far. She's so f*ckin hot. I mean, when she smiles, it's a lot less creepy. I guess it's because that Randy Jackson dude has a thing for dudes that you got chosen to continue on instead of your smokin sister."
"*sniff* SHUT UP!!!!!!!" *goes to the corner and sobs to himself, but then his ribs twist counter-clockwise, along with his spine, and he dies instantly*
WHAT THE HELL!!!!!????? WHO WAS HE!!!!!????? A SELF DESTRUCTING ANDROID????!!!!!
"Well, look down at your nipples. VGK has attached a device to the thorax area of every prisoner here that has a sensor that detects any crying activity going on. And when it does, it breaks the ribs and rotates them counter-clockwise, instantly killing the individual. It's quite sickening, but hey, it's a masterful way to keep prisoners in line."
"Yeah, it's f*ckin freaky man. But I'm just glad that girly dude finally got silenced. Now I can finally play in peace without hearing any imposter voices to f*ck up my concentration. Now if you'll excuse me ladies, daddy has to thaw out the sausage. Later f*ckers."
*disappears behind the small bed*
That was just disgusting.
"It is very disgusting, but luckily, not too many people cry in here, so it doesn't happen often."
I was talking about Seann William Scott's dialogue. It's nasty. I mean, 'thawing out the sausage?' Yeesh:?.....
"Oh. Yeah. Just ignore the man. He's just lonesome for society, and he just wants to unleash all his dirtiness upon us innocent prisoners."
Yeah. If you'll excuse me for a sec, I gotta think a minute. Gotta start pulling myself together with all that's happened today. Oh, speaking of events that happened earlier, where are my companions? I thought Crispin Glover, Terrence Howard, Keanu Reeves, and Ben Kingsley were with me........
"Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Sir Ben Kingsley is right here in this cell with me. He's still knocked out, but he's alright. As for those other people you mentioned, I haven't the slightest idea. Oh well, guess we'll find out soon, won't we?"
Yeah, I guess.
So, to start things off with the "normal" part of my blog, I watched another movie during the week. And since I'm limited on time, I won't bother with a review this time, although this foreign movie deserves one. It is:
Run Lola Run--9.5/10
And let's see. School's been going smoothly. Super Paper Mario is more addictive than ever. It is mild outside, and yet, I'm still inside being a lazyass. Um......like I stated earlier, Sanjaya finally got voted off American Idol. The Virginia Tech shootings have officially become the worst massacre in America since the 9/11 attacks. And, that's probably it.
So, Jeff, what are we going to do?
"I don't know. But I think I hear footsteps coming. We better act like we're not being--"
*Michael Jackson suddenly appears, in a professional uniform*
"Suspicious?"
*turns around slowly and loses hope of everything, knowing he's going to die, and utters* "Yup."
Oh sh*t. This can't be good.
"You're right Colonel. It isn't."
*shoots Ben Kingsley with a pistol hidden in his sleeve, ALA Travis Bickle s7y1e, and then sends Jeff Goldblum into a dancing craze, paralyzing him*
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JEEEEEEEFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!! BEEEEEEEEEENNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!
"Your time has come Colonel. Time to meet with the Video Game King. Come with me."
*a possessed Keanu Reeves, Terrence Howard, and Crispin Glover appear behind Michael from the shadows, and start to talk like robots*
"Come with us. Come with us. Come with us. The King has a surprise for you. The King has a surprise for you. Come with us."
Jesus, where's the Burger King when you need him?
Tune into VGK's next blog post for the heart-pounding, explosive, exciting conclusion to this vast tale!
"What? Man, I won't even get to see all the fighting from this dark, stinky dungeon. Oh well, without chicks, I guess it's not worth it to see the carnage anyways. Oh well, back to fapping:D ."
Until Next Time........uh, Lata:?......