*This is a first draft, I wrote it at around 5am on August 18th- I plan on updating it and perhaps trying to submit it for publishing somewhere- so if anyone has any notes or suggestions of other types of gamers that they either love to play with or hate to play with, feel free to hit me back.

Earlier tonight I was playing Halo: Reach on Xbox Live and encountered a player who actually got to me a bit. I usually don't let trash talkers get under my skin, but something about this one dude rubbed me the wrong way. He exemplified every single type of gamer that I hate to play with- which got me thinking about how many of those distinct types there are. It also kind of inspired me to write about them and in turn, inspired me to write about the other types of players- the players I love to play with. If you've been kind enough to stop by this blog, take a gander at these online shooter archetype players and see if any of them ring a bell:

Types of Online Gamers who are Horrible to Play With:

"The 'Too Cool' Guy"

A player who thinks they are too cool to be playing videogames. They claim to be bored, killing time, drunk, or any number of reasons other than that they just want to play a video game. They make fun of other people in the game, claiming the other players have no life, never get laid or don't have jobs. This is sadly one of the most common players to run into, suggesting that a large quantity of the people on PSN/XBL are in fact, people who don't play video games because they are too cool.

"The Flaming Homophobe"

This type of player will claim everything and everyone they play with is gay They will call everybody a f*ggot/f*g/queer and ironically also constantly command other players in the game to suck their d*ck whenever they are bested. Closet case doesn't even begin to describe these players. They seem to forget that its 2011 and also have probably never known the awesomeness of having a gay wingman when hitting on girls- they are seriously the best, if you don't have a gay friend, make one- you'd be amazed.

"The Allegedly Black Racist"

This player is the guy who is dropping N-bombs every two seconds. The people on their team are n*ggers, the people on the opposite team are n*ggers and whenever anyone calls them on their blatant and obscene use of this most taboo racial slur, the most common defense is "I'm black". Whether this player is or is not black however, is of little consequence. Racism is racism, and it is even worse when the use of racial slurs is perpetuated by members of the offended ethnicity. It tells all of the other players, be they white, Asian, Hispanic or Martian, that you can drop as many N-bombs as you want, just so long as you claim to be black.

"The Serial Rapist"

These are the players who insist on claiming that their victories be likened to rape. I don't think I'm alone when I say that there is nothing at all funny about rape. Victims of sexual abuse will carry scars with them their entire lives that never heal. Using rape as a vehicle for trash talking is not clever, it's not funny and due to the nature of all online games (where murder/killing is encouraged with reckless abandon, but sexual assault is never in the cards) is completely irrelevant. Saying "dude I slaughtered you" even "buddy I tore you limb from limb and ate your carcass" may be vulgar, but it is also far more appropriate when applied to an online deathmatch and does not run the risk of giving a player who may have been a sexual assault victim, an unpleasant flashback. The odds of a murder victim playing an FPS are fairly slim, so gloat about killing all you want- but keep the rape jokes out of it, no one finds them funny.

"The Super Gamer"

This is the player on the team who is incredibly skilled. So skilled that he will tear apart any player on his team who does not exhibit super human skill while playing, never ceasing to shut up with "you suck man, you should kill yourself" "why do you even play if you're going to suck like that?" "your mom should've aborted you!" - and all manner of other things that only serve to demoralize the player further and ensure a loss for the team. This is the guy who, in grade school gym class, while the coach was teaching the whole "there is no I in TEAM" thing, was daydreaming about the impending release of Quake 3.

Types of Online Gamers who are Fun to Play With:

"The Team Player"

This player may not be the chess master of the team and dish out the strategies, but they are the type who will listen to whoever is taking the lead. They usually don't trash talk at all and if they do it'll be something more akin to a "that was epic" after scoring a triple kill or pulling off a great play. They will tell you when there is a sniper or where the enemy flag bearer is running and they don't whine when they start losing, they just try harder and communicate more.

"The Team Captain"

The Team Captain is often a seasoned gamer who knows the maps cold, but can also simply be a player who sees the big picture, even if they don't have the crack shot or fastest reflexes. The captain is the guy who will take the reins and pull the team together, stopping the players from charging the enemy one-by-one and encourage them to rally at key choke points. The captain will break a team of four into two firing squads and send them to points on the map where they can cover their wingman at close quarters and cover the other squad at range. While an effective team captain can be a hard thing to come across if you are entering XBL/PSN without a group of personal friends, anyone can become one in any game, at any time. All you have to do is own a headset, notice a lack of organization on your team and start firing out some strategies. Some may listen, others may make fun of you for trying, but if your plans start turning the tide of the match, people start to come around faster than you'd think.

"The All-in-Good-Fun Trash Talker"

A player who throws clever, well thought out insults at the opposing team, but with a smirk. This player will chuckle after taking a stab at someone's play style, and when tempers flare (as they are known to if someone is taking trash talk to heart) the good trash talker will settle the fire a bit by taking the edge off. Phrases like "relax man, it's all in good fun" or "it's cool dude, I'm just messing with ya" might seem like throwaway things to say, but they can do wonders to keep someone from quitting out in the middle of the game, or at the very least, keep the offended player having fun- which at the end of the day, is what games are all about aren't they? Best of all, this type of trash talker is the guy who will say "Ha! good one" when you fire something funny back at him- the type who is witty when dishing it out and gracious when taking it.

"The Sportsman"

This is the type of player who everyone should strive to be- be it in an online game, a pickup soccer game at the park or a pro NHL game. A sportsman plays for love of the game, will not gloat about winning and will not complain about losing. Gamers invented the internet acronym "GG", but it seems that many have forgotten that stands for "Good Game". The thing we used to say while shaking the hand of the other team after a little league sports games. The same thing we should be saying to players after a Team Slayer match in Halo where our team went 50-48. The same thing we should say to the kid in Japan who just got two straight perfect rounds against us in Street Fighter IV and taught us the meaning of the word KO! The same thing we should say to the homophobic, racist, sexist players who decided to make our free for all match in Call of Duty a living nightmare with the constant noob-tubing* and endless trash talk. Sportsmanship will never go out of style, whether you're playing a physical sport or an eSport.

*Noob-Tubing: When a player in one of the recent Call of Duty games gets all of their kills with grenade launcher attachments... probably because they can't hit anything with a weapon that doesn't rely on splash damage. This phenomenon in other games (Halo, Killzone, Quake) is often called "Rocket Whore", but is particularly problematic in CoD (and therefore given a proprietary slang) because any player can choose to spawn with a grenade launcher at any time.