I shell out $20 for a DVD set of the Lone Gunmen on Amazon.com because, for some reason, they arn't available on Amazon.ca. I get the DVDs, OPEN THEM (this will later become an integral part of the story, bear with me) and to my dismay, find that they really don't work for more than 5 minutes without freezing for rediculous periods of time that leave my poor DVD player grinding and squeeling in agony (I assume). I want to return them. But I cannot. Because I OPENED them. But I wouldn't know they didn't work had I not opened them. But by opening them, I cannot return them.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

This is just the type of thing The Lone Gunmen are trying to put a stop to.

I assume.

But I will not know because the freaking DVDs don't freaking work.

I will be writing a seething review, I assure you.

H1N1 symptoms:

• Cough and fever? Check on the cough!
• Fatigue? Check!
• Muscle aches? Check!
• Sore throat? Double check!
• Headache? Check!
• Decreased appetite? Check!
• Runny nose? Check!
• Nausea? Check!
• Vomitting? Nearly
• Diarrhea? Er, no.

Oh flu, you're no fun! Swine version or not, I feel yucky!

So, do I take an extended weekend and not write my Psychology and Sociology quizes and not hand in my personal narrative in Writer's Craft, or do I go to school and cause an epidemic with my germs?

My blog...? What are you talk-- Oh! Thats right! My blog! Uh, no, I didn't forget. What makes you say that?

So! Its my last year of high school! I passed my exams and sat through them fully clothed (contraire to several horrible dreams), thank you very much! I ended up with an 84% average and a recommendation to never ever take chemistry again. School starts on the 8th and I'm taking English, English Literature, Creative writing, European History, Biology, Sociology, Psychology, and Philosophy. I regret taking Biology, but I've changed my courses so many times and nothing else will fit in that spot.

Funny (vaguely pathetic) story about my time table. I was called into the guidance office in June (and after one of the guidance councillors tried to tell me I wasnt supposed to be there and make me go back to c/ass) my guidance councillor takes me into his office and says (a bit too seriously, I thought) that two of my c/asses are only taught once each year and during the same time, so unless I can be in two places at once... (here he opens a desk drawer and rummages around for something). All I could think was "Yes! I'm getting a Time-Turner!" Sadly, he was not giving me a Time-Turner, and was instead telling me I couldn't take Politics.

I've been obsessing over my future again, this time its University. I really want to go to school in the UK. One of my first choices is Royal Holloway. It has some of the c/asses I want to take, and, oh, DID I MENTION ITS A CASTLE? NO? WELL IT IS:

Ooh! Has anyone seen A Very Potter Musical yet? It is undoubtably the very best use of the internet ever. Even if you don't watch the whole thing skip to act 1 part 11 and watch Ron and Draco's Granger Danger duet and then act 1 part 13 and watch Voldemort tap dance.

THERE IS A BAT IN THE HOUSE AND I AM HOME ALONE.

Alternatively titled "If I ruled the earth, Kanye would be among the first to go."

I was going to write to you about how I'm learning to drive, and Top Gear and my gereral annoyance at pretty much everything I've come in contact with in the last 6 months (other than getting to drive a car and top gear. Not other than the end of A Handful of Dust by Evelyn Waugh), but I saw this comment first and it read like a frying pan to the back of the head.

"Sometimes people write novels and they just be so wordy and so self-absorbed. I am not a fan of books. I would never want a book's autograph."

And

"I am a proud non-reader of books."

If it's any consolation, I'm pretty sure there arn't any books that want kanye's autograph either.

My father has befriended a homeless man downtown and today the man gave my father a message that I have been told to send to BILL GATES. Offering to sell him 30 lines of code for half a million dollars. Thoughts on the subject:

1. Where do either of these people expect me to get BILL GATES'S e-mail?

2. What if these arn't the ramblings of a crazed vagrant and actually something REALLY IMPORTANT?

3. Why on earth did my father say he would do this?

4. No, why on earth did my father say I would do this?

5. What in the hell am I suposed to do?

I have a 54 in chemistry, but today we made s'mores to demonstrate limiting reactants (the lack of chocolate limited the number of s'mores). The marmallowy goodness was little consolation for my abysmal mark.

Since I'm nearly failing both sciences, this puts an end to my dreams of becoming a psychologist, which can only mean:

IT'S TIME FOR MY SEMI-ANNUAL PANIC STRICKEN SEARCH FOR A CAREER!

LET THE APTITUDE TEST BEGIN.

You may remember me being told that I should consider such glamorous careers as chimney sweep, garbage man, vending machine technician and roustabout. Lets see what the computer thinks I should do this time:

1.

Archivist

2.

Anthropologist

3.

Special Effects Technician

4.

Psychologist

5.

Costume Designer

6.

Gerontologist

7.

Actor

8.

Desktop Publisher

9.

Animator

10.

Cartoonist

11.

Sign Maker

12.

Nurse

13.

Editor

14.

Fashion Designer

15.

Casting Director

16.

Writer

17.

Political Aide

18.

Activist

19.

Graphic Designer

20.

Comedian

21.

Artist

22.

Print Journalist

23.

Critic

24.

Market Research Analyst

25.

Set Designer

26.

Magician

27.

Sport Psychology Consultant

28.

Furniture Finisher

29.

Medical Illustrator

30.

Translator

31.

Picture Framer

32.

Marriage and Family Therapist

33.

Singer

34.

Health Records Professional

35.

Composer

36.

Rehabilitation Counsellor

37.

Acupuncturist

38.

Communications Specialist

39.

Public Policy Analyst

40.

Massage Therapist

Number 4 is clearly mocking me.

Okay, my internet just disconnected and I can't post this. How awkward... Well... I guess I'll just... uh... you know...

Ah! It's fixed!

I had to go to a lecture about counter culture today for American History at the University, which meant having to take the city bus by myself, which I've never done. Not surprisingly, the bus that was labelled University went to the University. And again, not surprisingly, I managed to get myself lost. The campus is the size of a town and I wandered around for about thirty minutes and ended up in the f*cking woods. Then, when I disentangled myself from the forest I ended up near the science and engineering buildings which are surrounded by the most bizarre looking smoke stacks, then I wandered past some outside theatre-in-the-round type thing. I seriously considering just going home when I realized that I probably wouldn't have been able to find my way out of the campus. I eventually found my History teacher, whom I could have hugged because I was seriously lost.

During the lecture I was reading the notes the girls in front of me was making on her lap top. This is what the professor said:

"While Little Richard was trapped on a burning airplane, he prayed to god that if he got out alive he would devote himself to god, and stop singing rock and roll."

This is what the girl typed:

"Lil John was trapped in an airplane washroom and he prayed to god that if he let him out he would stop all rock n roll forever."

Good luck on the exam.

I'm really glad that this isn't the University I plan on going to because they set us up for a huge let down. The first building we were in was built in the 1800's and had stained glass and high cielings and chandeliers, where as the rest of the University looked like an underground parking lot.

My friend and I abandoned the trip almost 2 hours early and walked to her house (after we got lost on the campus again).

You know that essay I was terrified of failing (and then having to fight Voldemort)? Well I got it back and I some how managed 98%, top mark in the class, and she wants a copy to use to teach how to write essays. And Voldemort's not after me!

I've been having the stupidest dreams lately. They're probably being induced by my now perpetual fear of failing all of my c/asses (which is not unfounded what so ever), and my new found love for Harry Potter novels. I'm only on the sixth book so don't mention anything beyond that or I will hunt you down.

Last night I dreamt that I was in History c/ass and my teacher was handing back our essays that were due on Friday. I got mine back and she'd written on it 52%. I immediately put my head down on my desk. I then looked up at her and asked "So, you're failing me too?" (as I had just failed a chemistry test and a Biology test (which actually happened in real life)). She says "Yep!" I groan and put my head back on my desk. Then I'm behind the school in a t-shirt and shorts (as opposed to my school uniform) and am for some reason bare foot, and I'm walking across the really muddy lawn which I had to jump over several fences to do and my History teacher is following me. I finally get to the front of the school and I'm standing in the wood-chip filled garden and Fred and George Weasley come over and try to reassure me that failing is not the end of the world. Arguing that they only got three OWLs each and are perfectly happy. I remind them that American History and Divination are totally different and throw a minor tantrum. They then offer me a job at their joke shop. My History teacher walks over and informs me that Voldemort is after me, and as a member of The Order of the Phoenix, she is making me go with her to Number 12, Grimmauld Place. Then a Hippogriff swoops in for no reason what so ever. She makes me apparate with her to Sirius's house (because apparently when he was stunned backward into that curtain by Bellatrix he was just magically transported to somewhere else and turned upa couple of weeks later), which looked exactly like my neighbors house on the inside because my subconscious is too lazy to come up with it's own scenery. Tonks, Hagrid and Dumbledor are there and I get really annoyed that Lupinhasn't shown up. After expressing my concern over this and realizing that everything has evened out because Mundungus hasn't shown up either, I woke up.

It's no wonder I'm dreaming about school though. I had seven-- seven! S-E-V-E-N--hours of homework on Thursday night. Then the next day I started crying during my chemistry test because I was so stressed out (though thankfully no one noticed). I keep having re-occurring nightmares about Biology c/ass and wake up all the time thinking I've failed a test or forgotten to do an assignment that doesnt actually exist. I'm waiting for the dream where I show up to exams naked, but I know my real concern in that dream would be that I don't know any of the answers to the test.

In other less mentally unbalanced news, Tokyo Police Club is playing in London in April and I might actually get to go if I can find some one to go with. Or rather, on the off chance I can badger some one into coming along.

UHG. I AM SO SICK. I've been sick since last Mondayish and I still don't feel better and I'm going to fail school.

So far I've missed 3 chemistry c/asses, 4 law c/asses, 2 history c/asses, and 2 and a half biology classes, failed a test because I was concentrating on not throwing up or passing out, and snubbed every one at school because I felt to sick to listen to them ramble on stupidly.

And the most annoying part is that I know exactly who made me sick. The girl who sits beside me in chemistry got her nasty germs all over me and since I seemingly have about 4 white blood cells I got really sick, really fast. Oh, weak immune system, you are not enjoyable. I have not left my house in days.

On the brightside, when I'm not throwing up, I've been watching movies:

Son of Rombow

William: Good morning Lee Carter! I'm here to help you!

Lee Carter: Jesus Christ... Get in that bush.