What I'm about to talk to you all about is something that I inwardly feel - it's a personal choice, therefore - my opinion most likely won't change. I know that many of you will perhaps disagree with me and that is okay.

I'm young - 20 years old in fact. I'm unemployed but searching persistently. No, I am not in college - and yes, I still live with my parents. Do I have things under immediate control? No, but I'm starting to get my life on track. Anyway, what I'm about to introduce will seem unorthodox. I want a child.

Don't get me wrong, I am not ready for this formality the slightest bit - and raising a kid can and will most certainly be very tough to handle. As most of you know, I am dating a wonderful girl, Kati who has a young two-year-old daughter of her own. Spending time with them both makes me cherish the moments that can't genuinely be mine, but I'm apart of it, which is not a damper to anyone's parade, simply because I'm influencing both of their lives immensely. It brings tears to my eyes when Kati's daughter says, "Don't go Howdy, you're not going home," when I have to leave. Yes, my name is actually Howdy. When I was born, I looked like the Howdy Doody Doll.

Yesterday was exciting, because Kati and I witnessed Karli go "potty" on her own for the first time. Although I'm not the biological father, it was a big moment in my life, and we took an ample amount of pictures. It's honestly the cutest thing to grace my eyes. It felt extremely rewarding in its own extent. The ole saying is true, "Kids grow up way too fast."

A few hours later Kati made supper for us - chicken and noodles. It was delicious, and it is preciously heartwarming to feel like a genuine family. Afterwards, we attended to Karli, giving her a bath. To a certain degree, it's uncomfortable for me since I am not the biological father, washing her body and hair is something I cannot force myself to do quite yet. I sat on the toilet while Kati took care of Karli, and my eyes were glaring at this benignant and benevolent relationship.

Washing the hair and playing with toys - subsequently, drying her off with a towel and playing this kid-filled game, throwing the towel over Karli as she's lying on the floor - and then tickling her belly, I want this of my own.

Watching this integral bond, it made me contemplate my future presently. Kati and I have talked about kids of our own, but we both understand that it will be at a much later date when that occurs. If we have a boy, his name will be Eli, and if we have a daughter, her name will arise to Ayla. Unfortunately, I cannot help but to want a kid currently.

I want to be able to give my own child a bath, play toys and take care of their sickness[es], putting them in their pajamas and sing them goodnight tunes; take them to sporting events and teach them how to play sports as well; take them to the park and feed them; watch cartoons and eat cereal; take them to school and ask them about their day.

The gist of it is I want to be responsible for someone else. I visualize Kati and she is such a perfect mother, and I want to be apart of something so special. I see Kati treat her daughter wonderfully, and although I can be seen as the father-figure and a role-model, I can't firmly be apart of this celestial moment - though I can at the same time; it's a mindless paradox.

With my own child, I could feel comfortable doing ordinary things - and I could even be called "Daddy." I want to be able to say, "Let's go to nana's and papa's house," and those parents actually are mine.

This is what I want in my life. Not fame, materialism, money - just an average life. Priorities change once you get older - and that's a blessing. Like I said earlier, I am not ready to have a child of my own - far from it, but I'm purely starting to see the true importance's in life. Yes, the road will be tough, I cannot deny that - but it will be solely worth it in the end, and for that - I can wait, I'm only 20.

Edit: Two hours later - Me and Kati are fighting. This saddens me. The last thing she said was, "Oh my gosh! I'm done talking!" This is our first fight, literally - and I'm unsure what to do. I've tried calling her and so forth, but no reply. Now I cry, just-kidding, but I am bothered by this badly.