Telling a life experience will always toy with people's emotions. The idea of someone overcoming a situation is always remarkable and achieving. That being said, I want to share my testimony with all of you (and yes, it has a basis of God!).
During my early teenage years (13-14), I was consistently overweight. Also facing the realization that, "Hey, I have to grow up and become an adult soon" was hardening, though I was still mildly young. I kept it a secret, but if I wasn't out skateboarding with a few friends or going to a local metal show, I would cry for the reason of not feeling "apart of the crowd," and was too judgmental on my own personal exposure.
A few years roll around of the same vigorous routine (Now 2007), and I was at the age of seventeen. I hit my most disgusting peak in my weight: 300 pounds during the summer time. I was flabbergasted at my appearance, and I also wanted a girlfriend, but I was extremely insecure to talk to women due to my weight issue. Therefore, I would go to online dating sites and get my "fulfillment" there. I was dating girls who lived in other regions of the world; states; you name it. That way I could have a sense of belonging and still hide my appearance at the same time--double standards of incognito you could say.
During this time of warm breezes, my brother's friend, Chet asked if we wanted to attend a local Bible study. At the time we didn't have anything planned so we gave this charade a whirl. That was the day when I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Savior: June 27, 2007. However, I "believed," but I did not obey His guideline. Thus, causing a backslide in my faith.
After summer vacation it was the beginning of my junior year of high-school. The first week was an absolute disaster--my house burnt down by an electrical fire. I lost everything, including my first dog, Blackie. We had hardwood floors in our kitchen (where the fire was taking place) and she was afraid to walk on the floors because she played "slip and slide" while attempting to make it across the other side. She decided to stay where she was and not get to the back part of the house, and you can get the picture from there. Not very "Van Gogh" at all. She was the most amazing black lab you could ever meet--vastly protective and loving.
Once that occurred, I missed school for nearly four months. Two of those long painstaking months were spent either in a motel with one bed, my brother's apartment, or a place my family refers to as "The Dungeon." It wasn't frolic on any notion. Finally after months of refusing to attend school due to depression, I had enough coping to head back. Stress was eating me alive, causing an ulcer of downtrodden because of the ample amount of homework assignments that I previously missed. I couldn't handle it--and my father began to become terribly ill with heart problems and constant high blood-pressure. That is when I decided to put a fork in high-school and drop out. Dropping out, though, I was determined to make "something" out of myself without this form of education (diploma). Little did I know, that failed miserably.
Thankfully maintaining my weight of three hundred pounds, the next school year I decided to enroll once again for my second trip to junior-high. I had an escalating/cascading degree in my grades, randing from A's to F's. Genetics of high blood-pressure were sweeping me off my feet, and this was also due to my overweight. Still being heavy set, I was self conscious and people would constantly make fun of me because I liked the band "Chiodos" and wore a jacket referencing that band. Also, I had shaggy hair, so my new name became "The Fat Emo. Kid." That wrecked my self esteem wholeheartedly because not only did I feel as if everything was falling apart (again); I recently was rejected by a girl at high-school (this was my first attempt to have a girlfriend with this uncanny weight). This all took place during the fall-early winter time (October - November).
Something had to change. I knew that starting drama and "standing up" for myself wasn't going to lead to positive results. I was merely a latch key for friends. That's when my brother decided to hit the gym. I tagged along and immediately became a workout fiend. In one week I lost five pounds. I was feeling fantastic. By the end of the school year (May) I lost 160 pounds. I was light as a feather. I will admit, however, I became anorexic because of my accumulating addiction to weight loss. At the time it was worth it because nobody called me "The Fat Emo. Kid" any longer.
This happened through the times of late 2007-end of the school year of 2008. Of course, not being popular, people decided to murmur and say, "He's popping pills." I didn't take offense to that because I was skinny and content. I was still believing in God but not obeying His commands--and therefore, I felt the urge to "have fun." I claimed "straight-edge" because I was, but I mainly did it to feel as if I had priorities and was "cool." Later that year in October 2008, I finally got into a well oriented church to see what it was all about. I began finally trusting in Him, reading my Bible for once, and life started to break out more clearly. Later that same month, I met my first girlfriend (name won't be mentioned).
Slowly growing in my faith, I backslid once again (due to my own fault) because I was with the wrong girl. For six tedious months, it was all about the alcohol and sexual interactions. We broke it off in the beginning of April (2009), because I found out she was cheating on me with one of my good "friends." The summer of 2009 rolls around and I was getting anxious. With my faith one, I felt as if I had an obligation to freedom. I now met another girl (name will not be mentioned). We were off and on during the summer, and during those mild break-up's, I was out partying, getting drunk, and living it up the way most people are confused about this wonderful zealous three months. The day we finally ended things, I felt incredibly lost. My heart felt in my stomach--and yes, I became Justin Timberlake and cried a river.
I constantly wrote these mindless blogs on MySpace that were disturbing (abstract and discreet). However, I never felt satisfied while writing them--no matter how substantial and well written they may have been. Ample amount of times I would say, "This can't be life, always upset and trying to reach out for more." Seemingly, it felt as if I had nothing, but God was still working on my heart gently as a Shepherd should, and I was unknown about it. I'm not entirely positive on what lead me back to God during August 2009, but I let all of my burdens go--put my meaningless struggles and so called "satisfaction" into the trash, and clung onto Matthew 11:28 - Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
My "friends" began to slip away, girls weren't much of a priority, and I came back to Jesus Christ humbly. I was picking up my Bible again, praying more, and all of a sudden getting a high amount of MySpace friend requests from various Christians and Christ following bands--I found it prominent and significant. I decided to text my very generous Youth Pastor asking to get lunch; he accepted the offer. Ever since then, my life has revolved solely on Jesus Christ (He remains first throughout everything).
It is now August 2010, and I'm very robust in my faith. I write devotions nearly everyday (and have written a book!), I have a fantastic church home, and I am now serving God faithfully in the ministry, and soon heading into the field of preaching.
By the way, I went back to school and graduated, meeting some of the most amazing Christian friends you'd ever come across. Although I'm a horrible Christian and sinner, I try my best to commune with God and spread the Gospel to everyone I can. I've never felt this close, personal, and intimate with God before, and the reason why is because I had a friend like Amnon (2Samuel 13), and I was only "believing" and not considering the mainstream idea of what Jesus Christ is about. (Note: It does not take good works to get into Heaven, and you cannot lose your salvation).
My life is one-hundred times better, and I'm genuinely thankful for all of His blessings. He truly blesses by the hundredfold (Mark 10:29-30). Many people consider me the small ideal of Job, and I would like to conclude that everything in life does happen for a reason. It may not happen on our time schedule, because it is all about His perfected time. Therefore, it might be in a year to ten years time, but everything falls into place eventually, because my house burning down lead to a more stable more, my father is doing better with his illness, and dropping out of high-school lead to weight-loss and a wonderful girlfriend who treats me right. Going back to high-school led me to amazing Christian friends and fellowship--graduation, college offers, and a deeper desire to write and spread His Word with a refreshed heart.
For all who do read this, please keep in mind: We all (including me) need to stop looking for the "big things" to happen, hoping that we're going to win the lottery or an incident in which something dramatic "changes our lives." God puts people in our lives for a specific reason, and although it can be very small to us at the time, it's actually huge, because He is All. The "big thing" already happened nearly 2,000 years ago, when Jesus Christ died on the Cross for our sin, and rose again on the third day.
This is my testimony--and this is my amazing life. I am now depression free; stress free; hate free; and an extremely joyous person. A.W. Tozer once said, "Before God can use a person greatly, He must allow that person to be hurt deeply."