Things I have realized:

I'm madly and deeply in love, and it's the best feeling ever.

I'll never escape – specifically the past, because it will be the future.

I'd rather be two other people. I know that I shouldn't "compare" in a sense, and that I should be me and nobody else, and also be proud of who I am, but I'm not.

The only genuine thing I want, other than love, is a family. I see people my age still wanting to have fun and their freedom, and though that is respectful, I don't care for it. I'd love to settle down, because all I do is pray for nothing but an average life.

I don't get judged as much, or hardly ever as I thought I used to.

I'm not smart, and I wish I was - even college material.

I find singing the lyrics to Amazing Grace, "Who saved a wretch like me" very demeaning. I understand that God saves us, He has saved me, but to be logical and rational, human beings are not wretched - we're confused; not mislead, but gone astray ourselves. We are not wretched. We are not wretched. We are not wretched. We are beautiful.

I really, really want to help people out in their lives, more than myself.

That, as a Christian, I do not find a lot of mainstream and contemporary music wrong, and I do not find it of "the Devil." Don't get me wrong, there is a lot of music on the radio that is morally unacceptable, such as Kesha, who barely looks of age, and is talking about partying and getting drunk - and that is not a good influence for young kids, but there is plenty of good music on the radio that changes lives for the better, that is not Christian. Such as the band "The Fray," and their song "How To Save A Life." Or Train, "If It's Love." I refuse to say it's wrong because it's not Christian.

You are the only person I care to spend every single minute and day with. I can't sleep. You're always on my mind, and I want you to be at my side forever.

Lastly, to everyone, I am sorry.

"We can spend our lives letting the world tell us who we are. Sane or insane. Saints or sex addicts. Heros or victims. Letting history tell us how good or bad we are. Letting our past decide our future. Or we can decide for ourselves. And maybe it's our job to invent something better." - Chuck Palahniuk.