Me and my older sis collaborated yesterday to write an ongoing omega-random story, which makes no sense. The title is the BB Story. Which also makes no sense. Just what is BB? Big Bob, Billy Bob, Banzai Bill, Bullet Bill, Boomerang Bro, Bugs Bunny-Yeah, I'll just show you what we did so far.
Once upon a time, a spoiled BB wanted to write a story. She was your average sized BB, very athletic, and super awesome. She was writing in her story: iot weassd tyjh bhnersedtyesdty sdtoprtuyh erbvert **** injh sa bn bujhydfjhn hjisdtyorgtjy, when a huge scream came from nowhere. "OOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEE!!" Something hovered in the sky for a bit before falling towards the BB. What could it be? Godzilla making another grand entrance even though he's a decade out of date? A nuclear bomb? A Krispy Kreme donut shop brought 100s of miles south by a recent tornado? A sumo wrestler? No, it was the Scop! Scop is short for stupid cantankerous ordinary poop scooper at a Krispy Kreme donut parade with lots of leetle ponies. The proper name should be Scopkkdpllp, but no one can pronounce it, so we call them Scops. The Scop looked like a 54 year old version of Arnold Schwarzenegger except you could tell he was a teenager because of all the acne on his face and the braces in his mouth. He was wearing a greasy donut uniform and smelled like several months of brown horse stuff that was not fudge or chocolate in any way or form.
Someplace else, Mario, Luigi, Yoshi, and the BB had pizza and other Italian food. It was very delicious. The Scop met it's end when the Poopbusters rushed in and busted him for smelling like poop. Or at least that's what they thought. But it was only a decoy made of horse manure!
"I can solve this case!" shouted Batman.
"No fair," said a whiny red, yellow, and green suited sidekick. "I never get to do anything." The boy started crying up a storm. A couple pigeons thought he was a fountain and landed on him.
"Whatever," said Batman. He was obviously used to this. "Stop whining or else I will tell your mom you've been making beef flavored pancakes."
"NOOOOO," screamed Robin, which is the name of the sidekick. This is not important, since references to this useless character will never again appear in this story. "Anything but that, Batman."
"Ummm…so what about the time you dressed up as a princess for Halloween?"
"Hey, that was an accident! We mixed up our costumes, remember?"
"Oh…uh…yeah. What was your costume again?"
"I was the Joker! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA," said the useless sidekick.
Two seconds later, _______ (insert name of useless sidekick here) was pinned against the wall with a cherry-scented Coca cola gun inches from his face. "Swear you will never say that again," said Batman. "And about me dressing up as a princess for Halloween, that's …uhhhh….a secret between us men, okay?"
The boy began crying again.
"Don't worry! I can solve this!" A super-muscular race car driver burst out of his car and in a fiery dash, unleashed his signature move. FALCON-PAUNNNCCCCCHHHH! The useless sidekick flew to a certain World 2, where two plumbers were trying to beat a fortress level and unclog some pipes. He was instantly hit by their special, the "jumping." The BB returned to the story and stepped on He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (not because he's Voldemort, but he's a useless sidekick)This experience traumatized him into going solo and thus he became a useless superhero. Eventually, in the future, he became Batman and had to deal with his own annoying sidekick.
Now folks, you must be wondering what happened to Batman all this time _________ was stealing his name. I'm afraid it's not a pretty story.
He landed in a nice place. A very nice place in fact. It was an island with delicious fried fruits served every day, fried potatoes (which you Americans insist on calling French fries, and I'm telling you, these were not made by the French), fried fish, fried palm leaves, fried ice cream, fried Coca cola, fried Kentucky chicken, and even fried frying oil. It was okay at first. Batman had a great time and even forgot about his experiences in Gotham. But after a few months, his pants would not fit anymore. After a few more months, he could not move out of his chair. After a few more months, the friendly islanders rolled him up the volcano and pushed him in as a sacrifice to Coconut Fred's Island Enterprise that sold Captain Falcon figurines.
Now, at a Nintendo studio in Japan, Waluigi was very angry. He had been in joy a few days earlier when Nintendo told him that he would finally have his own game. Now at the last second, he was replaced by some generic enemies. Waluigi's Quest is now known as Dry Bones and Pirahna Plant's Excellent Adventure, aka Weeding Adventure in Your Backyard. The sequel, Waluigi Ocean, is now known as Blooper and Buzzy Beetle's Bogus Journey, aka Escargot Journey in France. Both games are pretty much the same. Waluigi finally realized that no one, not even his creator, loved him. In fact, he also realized the only reason he was created was to give Wario a tennis partner. To make himself feel better, he was forced to go to a place of great horror and death, Costco.
The warehouse was completely dark and he was sure he heard laughter as he walked in. He felt something light and feathery touch him as he picked up a Coconut Fred's Captain Falcon figurine. He was sure it was dust and tried to brush it off, but he felt more light and feathery strings. The lights flashed on. He was trapped in a net.
"Yehwehehehehehe," said a familiar voice. "Hello costumer. You know, you're the first costumer we've had in five years. So uhh, I hope you don't mind, but uh, we're going have to keep you here."
"What are you talking about?" said Waluigi. "Everyone goes to Costco."
"Ahhh, you must be a deprived person. Five years ago, there was a rumor that uh, someone bad, uh, sorta like a terrorist, had taken over the store. So of course no costumers."
"Oh no," said Waluigi. "I recognize your voice. I remember, there was some TV documentary about this. GET AWAY from me!" His voice got shrill and girly as the figure approached him.
"Hey, so maybe I am a terrorist. Maybe I did take over the store. But you should have nothing against me, because I am a…"
"DON'T SAY IT!"
"Haahaha. You know it. I'm a teletubby!! WHOO HOOOOOOOO. All I wanted was to capture little kids and feast on their bones, but you know how people are. They're selfish. The world is way overpopulated, and I mean eating kids seems like the right thing to do, but nooo—"
His speech was cut short by the sound of breaking glass. A bunch of puffy haired, dwarf-like chocolate lovers poured in with machine guns. Can you guess who they were? Yep, they were baby water buffalos dressed up as Willy Wonka's Oompa Loompas. The shortest one stopped in front of Waluigi and posed dramatically. "I'm Baunds. James Baunds." He ripped off a mask, revealing a pink water buffalo. The water buffalo pulled off a mask, revealing it was really George Clooney.
To be continued...
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