...got sacked for his review of Kane & Lynch, apparently. How fitting, for such a big sack. Now, honestly, I do feel bad for him losing his job, and the obvious lack of freedom of speech in this CNET Network should really be looked at, but Jeff is a douche, and used his position on this site to force his opinions as fact. I know I'm beating a dead horse, but horses suck and I guess being beaten to death just isn't enough to really let that horse know what he's got coming to him. That Twilight Princess review still pisses me off to this day, it's like he just stood up and spit in the face of reason.

It's solely because of that man (well, there's really not much that's great about this site either way, but he's the main factor) that I go to gamespot.com about once every month, and only to check up on updates in my friend list. But then again, to be fired over something like Kane & Lynch is kind of pathetic. If you look at the user reviews, 75% gave it a rating of 1.0, and most claim it's one of the worst games they've ever played. It's really quite crappy to fear for your job just because you've been assigned a high-profile game which is clearly not destined to be high-scoring. The gamerankings.com score isn't even up to a 70%, and Jeff's review of the game was somehow much less scathing than you would expect from him.

Basically, I'm appalled at Jeff Gerstmann's face for being so stupid, but I'm really appalled at the state of video game reviews and reviewers, and their now-public fears of giving an honest review. And just a second ago, I read Penny Arcade's take on it, which is pretty close to mine. I think they hate Jeff less than I do though.

...is incredible. A 9.5 is a scandalously low score for it. I got 60 stars and beat it about 12 hours after I brought it home, now I just need to get the other 60 stars. BUY IT.

Even though I think it's still a bit of a low grade, tonight Gamespot actually gave a respectable score to a Wii game, namely Super Mario Galaxy. As much as I couldn't wait to wrap up the Metroid Prime trilogy, as much as I salivated at the thought of continuing cel-shaded Link's adventures on my DS, and despite how obviously incredible Super Smash Bros. Brawl is going to be, Galaxy has to be my most anticipated game this year, and probably until the next console Zelda comes out.

I've probably played through Super Mario 64 about 20 times since 1996, first on my cousins' brand new Nintendo 64 during a several-week Christmas visit, then on my own Nintendo 64 almost a year later. Of course, I had to pick up Super Mario 64 DS, and plow through the additional 30 stars that version offered. I only played through Super Mario Sunshine once, because it didn't totally float my boat, despite the high quality of the overall game. But now... with this "spiritual sequel" to Mario 64, I feel my pulse intensify, my fists clench, and my mind quivers with anticipation. Right now I'm at that blissful/torturous stage between not believing it's really almost out, and not being able to wait another single day for it to finally come out. I will be waiting at 10 am at my nearby CD store, securing my position as one of the first to pick up the game when FedEx finally arrives with their precious cargo.

I SHALL BE VICTORIOUS!

I really can't wait. Galaxy is going to be the game to end all games, at least until the new Smash Brothers game comes out in three months, for most people probably. But for me, it will be Mario that secures my fetal position as I wait five more days for gaming bliss.

Well it seems that Gamespot obviously took my advice and decided to not let Jeff review Phantom Hourglass, as it got a 9.0, which I'd say is the first somewhat reasonable review they've given in a while. But then again, it wasn't Jeff reviewing, so my point wasn't exactly moot. At any rate, my classes end around 10 am tomorrow, so I'm in prime condition to pick up Phantom Hourglass (and also a David Bowie CD which is being rereleased, sweet). I'm sure I'll have it beaten by Wednesday night, because I'm going to play and never stop ever.

I just checked the Halo 3 review on here, the only surprise is that it wasn't a 10.1. They could repack Halo 2 an infinite number of ways, and sites like this will still praise each repacking job as the new gaming messiah. Oh oh, look who gave the Halo 3 review, and look at the smirk on his face all through that video. The kind of smirk that says... oh, I don't know, "I went into this game expecting a 9.5, and by golly, it's going to be a 9.5. It's my favorite fat loser reviewer, Jeff Gerstmann! I love lines like this:

"Halo 3 manages to feel familiar while also packing in a good amount of new material."

Oh, and don't forget:

"Halo 3 is an interesting mix of established protocol and intriguing new stuff. For example, the gameplay doesn't stray too far from Halo 2, which, in turn, didn't exactly reinvent the original Halo. Don't take that as a negative, because it means that Halo 3 plays extremely well, with the same types of light tactical considerations that have made the series stand apart from other, faster-paced shooters."

That's funny, because, if I remember correctly, those are pretty much the exact reasons that Gamespot panned Twilight Princess and Metroid Prime 3: Corruption! Oh no no Gamespot, don't even tell me... Halo 3 is better at being like previous games in the series, so it deserves a better score? Or no, it has better graphics and that's really all that matters? Look, Gamespot. You've been panning Nintendo games for a while now, saying that they're too similar to last-gen games in their respective series, saying that they're fun, but more of the same. If you can look me in the eye and tell me that Corruption deserves an 8.5 for no reason besides it's similar to MP1 and MP2, and that its graphics aren't on par with next-gen games, well... that's just sad. You have no souls, Gamespot.

Phantom Hourglass is coming out this Tuesday, you know what that means!

Another hideously unfair score from Gamespot! That's right, with reviews generally topping 9.0 and occasionally even hitting a perfect 10/10 (though no 100/100 so far), I think we can expect Gamespot to give it... hmm... I'll say 8.5. If it's Jeff reviewing, I'll almost guarantee it.

The pre-release hype for the past year is that Phantom Hourglass is one of the most fun and engaging Zeldas ever made, and it's doing a massive job of bringing up DS sales in Japan already (like DS needs more sales over there, amirite?). In the face of this hype, and surely to spite it, I believe that Gamespot has been planning their score for weeks now, before even getting their reviewer copy. No pros nor cons will sway the mind of Gamespot, and they will skew the results and write the review entirely around their premade decision.

Now, I know it may be unfair to bash a site for a review that hasn't even been released yet, but it's no more unfair than an 8.8 for Twilight Princess. I mean, what the hell? I know it's been almost a year since that review was posted, but seriously. What. The. Hell.

Gamespot gives Metroid Prime 3 an 8.5. Didn't see that coming! Obviously through enhanced controls and graphics, the series has gone down 1.2 points since Metroid Prime, and .6 points since Metroid Prime 2. How does that make any sense? I quickly checked to see if that idiot Jeff was the one making this clearly flawed review, but no, it was some other jerk. When you look at Gamerankings.com, you see a bunch of 9's, and 9.5's and even a 10, but no, Gamespot says it's an 8.5. Could you even try and mask your obvious bias, Gamespot? Did you even open the frigging case to the game? Oh, one more: how does it feel to know that you have no credability in the gaming world? This is the worst site in the world. I hate you, Gamespot.

Gamespot really sickens me, ya know? It's that Jeff guy; he's a 38-year old fat video game nerd virgin, and that's just lame. I mean, I can understand people enjoying video games into their adult lives, but he's probably a video game fan on the same level that Star Trek fans enjoy Star Trek. That look on his face as he pans any Nintendo game that he can... it's pure evil. I bet he's the kind of person that comes out of a movie like "2 Fast 2 Furious", and instead of saying "GAWD WHAT A CRAPPY STORYLINE, AND MAN, I'VE NEVER EVEN IMAGINED WORSE ACTING!", he says, "Those cars were cool." He rates Big N games with all of the entusiasm of a coma victim, and probably smells like one too. Jeff Gerstmann, I hate you.

Gamespot hates Nintendo; there's no denying it. In the face of some of the greatest and most entertaining games ever created, they have the huevos to take 3 points off of a reasonable score. That's right, Twilight Princess should be an 11.8. Anything less than a 9 for the new Zelda is simply unacceptable, and Gamespot needs to grow up and take their heads out of Microsoft and Sony's rears. Note that I would be much more explicit, but Gamespot censors free speech.

I will no longer be going to Gamespot for reviews, obviously they have no idea what makes a game a 9.5, and what makes a game a 5.5. As much as I enjoy getting my reviews from fat, balding losers, I'm afraid I will not be coming here anymore. It's too bad, I thought they would understand the vision Nintendo has for the future; but clearly, all they can see is the goal PS1 had 10 years ago. So enjoy your defilement of good games Gamespot, but you're losing readers faster than your junkie sons are losing brain cells. Go collectively jump off a cliff, jerks.

Hey everyone that stumbles here, I'd just like to say that I'm probably better than you, and I probably also smell better than you. If you wanna fight about it you'd be better off trying to fit your own head up your butt, which I've seen before. I like making fun of people that look like you, so watch out. Wash behind your ears.