Some of you may be hearing strange things about Walmart this holiday season. I've gone in depth to uncover the truth.

Walmart has stores of PS3 in the back: False, in fact they will not get them in until the 16th! So there is no use disguising yourself as an employee and trying to rummage around in th back room.

Walmart is cracking down on employee absenteeisms: True, do to unusually high rates of Gaming related absences, Walmart has hired assassins to execute all employees who fail to come to work and are found online playing games. Image Follows...


[picture removed by Author due to subjects wife being Meddling!!!!! person (actually the assassins found me but promised to let me live if I hid their identities and came up with a convincing cover stor..  hERK!!)]

These assassins, not only have the job or tracking down absent gamers but also: protecting the Wii sitting in the back room, hunting down the person who leaked the black Friday ad, making sure everyone who buys a next gen system buys at least 3 games or accessories, delaying all third party game launches for PS3, hunting me down for revealing their identity, and if need be unloading trucks.

This has been another (but hopefully not the last) rumor control article. Ohh god what's that long black tube coming through my bedroom wind