I was quite the fan of the TV show “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” even going so far as to get satellite when they moved to UPN. I bought items off of eBay, pre-ordered DVDs for Amazon, and have a nightshirt with a picture of ‘Spike’ blazon across the front. After the decision that BtVS would not be coming back for an eighth season, my heart sank. While I had watched “Angel”, a spin-off of BtVS, it just was not the same. I guess I identified too much with the heroine, Buffy, to readily give my loyalty to “Angel”. I did like the interaction between Spike and Angel but I was not able fall in love with the show as I had BtVS. Perhaps it was too soon or the group dynamics didn’t work for me. I don’t know but anyway all I had left to watch after “Angel” went off the air was CSI which appeals to me in a totally different way being as it was mostly clinical with a handsome lead (William Peterson). While there have been other similar shows like BtVS I just have not be able get interested in them. It was very depressing time for me. Summer came and went; the fall season began with nothing to appeal to me. My staples were news shows and CSI. But that was about to change because my son was a fan of “Inuyasha”. I would walk through the living room for one reason or another, barely paying attention to what he was watching. I, for one, do not like to begin watching a show in the middle of a series because you miss so much in the setup of a show. My son requested that I record it on the DVR so that he could watch it later. I started watching these episodes out of boredom and found them interesting. “Inuyasha” reminded me of my earlier love for anime that I had drifted away from in the Nineties. I started paying attention to other anime like “Fullmetal Alchemist” and “Ghost in the Shell”. I realized that I had limited myself by not checking out channels that traditionally carried children programming. Now it seems that I don’t have enough time to watch all the shows that interests me but isn’t that the way it should be.

Last night I dreamed that my husband was with me. I don’t really remember the dream but he was there like he had never left. He has been gone for over 5 years now and life goes on. Perhaps I dreamed of him because out daughter will soon turn 6 and will be going into Kindergarten. It’s an exciting time for her and she has so many questions about her Daddy. She makes up stories of things that they did together or she will say that her Daddy told her something. I try not to correct her too much as I feel this is a way for her to feel close to him. I remember last year when we went to visit his grave, my daughter said she “had water coming out of her eyes”. I suppose that we all have crosses to bear, and like my husband use to say “You get your hard knocks whether you’re young or your older, they will still come. You can learn from them and grow or ignore them and get beat down”. I hope that all my children don’t have to take too many hard knocks before they learn. Perhaps the dream was just reminder to stand firm and everything will be okay. He was a good husband and I’m glad we had the time together that we did. We were together 20 years and we had never separated. I think one of the worse things about the death of a spouse is the plans and dreams that you had for the future are gone. There is no one to talk to about what happen that day or what shall we do this weekend. No one to help share the burden. I know this is a sad post but some days are that way. I don’t have many days like this fortunately  I’m going to try and apply for a job as director at the local library. I didn’t finish my degree in Library Science since I got pregnant while in college and then my husband passed away. But I feel I should try; I have some experience anyway. And if I don’t apply I definitely won’t get it :D And after all, this was one of our dreams.

After watching the news the other day, I’m amazed at the stupid things people do when they get angry. A man shoots a teenager and his mother because the teen spits on his vehicle. Come on, yes, this would make me mad but you don’t shoot someone for anything even close to this. All this does is add fuel to the fire for those who want gun control. What is so difficult in keeping one’s temper under control? We seem to becoming a nation of shoot first because it’s our right. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in the right to bear arms but we need to do better background checks on people. Maybe even have references; something so that idiots don’t get hold of weapons. But that won’t solve the problem because there other methods of hurting others. I’m not just talking about weapons but words; when a parent yells at or fights with others what example are they showing their children. Unfortunately, most anger is taken out in the home and the cycle is repeated over and over again each generation. I’ve been to Little League games where parents or coaches lose their tempers. And a lot of times they are the ones that lead the chant “His no batter”, indicating he deserves no respect. Many don’t know how or desire to break the cycle. I’ve heard people talk as if proud of how fast or vicious their tempers are. What is there to be proud of? That you have no control? Two year olds lose their temper, they just can’t hurt anyone. Is this what people want to be like? It’s not easy but we need to teach our children how to control their emotions by setting an example. They need to learn to respect others’ opinions and actions. They must understand that to err is human and people make foolish mistakes so don’t get angry over every little thing. You don’t know who could be listen and watching. And I suppose in around about way I’m saying that if people learn to respect others and try to control their tempers, there would much happier people out there, you as well as others. I’m not saying that you can’t be upset by something but be constructive and go about it in other ways. People need to use their minds more to settle things and instead of going off the handle and yelling, or swinging a fist, or Heaven forbid, shooting someone. Communicating is difficult and misunderstandings occur regularly even among people who know each other well.

I wish people who say that anime is for children only watched some of the shows. "Kind of walk a mile in my shoes" thing. Some are so complex that I have a difficult time following the storyline myself. Just because a person does not care for it does not mean that it has no worth. It burns me that people look down on others who enjoy anime. For me it offers such rich detailed storylines. It has a rich flavor with the music and color. The illustrations can be wonderful. I still enjoy Fairy Tales; a lot of people seem to only to get the surface plot whereas there could be hidden elements to it. Anime offers us a look at a culture that is so different than ours but in ways is so similar. There is good and evil; humans who are driven to overcome all odds; loyality to family and friends as well as betrayal to same. Admittedly, there is anime that is directed at children and that is as it should be. We have regular shows and movies that are children's. I actually think that a lot of anime that is being made is superior to the current TV programs and movies that are being made. I have done my job and introduced anime to my three children, two who are adults now. They too face ridicule because of their taste but one should not follow the crowd because they want to be liked. That does nothing for the soul; one needs to follow their feelings in this regard. I feel as long as it hurts no one and doesn't hurt you than go for it.