Here we go. The mother of all notes. I'm going to take this opportunity and literally pour out everything that I've thought in the past week.
I adored Megan Baldwin. Heck, I still do. She never seemed to turn away from a moment to make me smile or laugh in some manner. Even if what she did was completely goofy, she had that knack to bring a smile out of me no matter what the situation. It didn't matter whether or not my day was completely sucking or not, she would always go out of her way to spend time with me and make sure I felt better. Her positive outlook on life was infectious, and I frequently felt more positive just by being around her. Another infectious thing about her was her intelligence and inquisitiveness. Whenever I was around her, I felt more enlightened about everything. She could explain things so eloquently and it would still make perfect sense to me. Whether it was Psychology stuff that I could never grasp, or life lessons that to this day I'll remember, she simply made sense no matter how complicated or touchy a situation was. I could talk to her for hours and hours and not even realize it. Whenever I was in a pickle, I would just log onto AIM and there she'd be (it's almost like she was expecting me sometimes) ready for a deep and meaningful conversation. I've said this quite often, but if it weren't for Megan's advice and friendship during my parent's divorce, I don't know how I would have taken it. I was blessed to have her advice and her guidance during all of my tough times. I'm more confident, emotionally strong, and my faith in God is stronger all because of her.
But it wasn't just all deep and thoughtful things. Megan was just plain fun. Whether it was goofy dancing, playing games in Hyndman's ****s, being rebellious in general, bringing fake snow to your lunch table, arguing over the Yankees and the Red Sox, stopping by while you were working to give you a hard time, being willing to try and learn everything from Guitar Hero to drums, hand-hugs, happy-buttons, talking to complete strangers, and so much more, Megan simply lived life to the fullest, and she helped me live my life with no restraint. There's so much of her that I missed out on though, and all I really can do is regret it, but appreciate the times I had with her.
One thing Megan liked to do was ask questions. This was not limited to teachers and instructors though. I would constantly be asked "Why?" to things such as my political beliefs, traditions, and even things such as what I did with my free time. While this made me both uncomfortable and irritated with Megan at the time, looking back, I realize that her main goal with those intense questions was to make sure that I was sure in my own beliefs, and not just following the norm. I can safely say that I believe what I believe in today because of the assurance I got from her questions. It was also fun to see Mrs. Hyndman completely have no idea to answer those ridiculous US History and Psychology questions.
Seeing everyone I know react the way they have has shown me how much Megan was loved by everyone she knew. However, it never occurred to me how much we were loved by her. I personally thought that I was close to Megan, but I never would have imagined that she went to those she knew and talked to them about me, and told them the same funny stories I remember from the time we spent together. In the past week, I've met people who I feel know more about me before they even said a word to me. It kind of blows my mind to think about that. But it wasn't just a one way thing. I heard all about her friends from church and others she knew, and how I simply had to meet them. I've had the privilege of meeting a good bit of those people, and it was a great feeling, despite the circumstances under which I met them.
There's not much more to say about Megan except that she changed my life for the better. Looking back at what I've written, I prolly forgot a few things, but it's way too hard to gather all the amazing memories and thoughts I've had into just one note. But I want to tell you guys what Megan's death has done for me now, and what I intend to do in the future.
What I've learned from this whole experience:
1. Life is beautiful, life it to the fullest, and enjoy every day of it. Megan taught me this every day I spent with her, and through her passing, I believe it's one of the many things she'd want us to remember.
2. Don't be afraid to ask "stupid" or "ridiculous" questions. While it may make you feel stupid in the moment, it will eventually make you smarter and more knowledgeable in life.
3. Love your friends and stay close to them. In weeks leading up to Friday night, I didn't really talk with many people. I'd come home, do homework, hang out at my house, and that would be it. I felt like I was drifting from all my friends, including Megan, because I had dropped down from AP and Gifted Level ****s to take Honors ****s instead. Naturally, I didn't see my friends as much as I used to. Through the events of the past week, I've renewed friendships, made some new ones, and planned to keep some alive for many years to come.
I also would like to talk about what I plan to do in the future because of Megan (some of these are short-term, some are long term):
1. Never forget Megan and the girl she was. This is the last thing that I wanna do in my life. I want to live every day like she would, remember the girl she was, and let her live on through my memories and actions.
2. I now want to have a daughter, and her name is going to be Megan. For those of you who haven't heard me joke around about this, I've frequently told myself that I'd be a terrible father if I had a girl. I'd be protective, way too protective. I feel now that I honestly wouldn't do a half-bad job raising a girl, but I would definitely name her Megan just because of the impact she's made on my life.
3. I will keep in contact with my friends. There are no if's, and's, or but's about it.
4. I'm going to print out everything Megan wrote and keep it. It seems that she would always address whatever issues I had in her blogs and other writings. I want to keep them all, so that way when I'm troubled by something again, I would read them just as though she were still writing them to this day.
5. I'm going to frequently visit her family, friends, and her grave. The Baldwins have become like family to me now. David and I have so much in common, and I love both of her parents so very much. I don't want to lose touch with them, so I want to make it a point to visit them often. The church Megan's buried at is literally right across the street from my house, so I feel that it's appropriate that I visit her often as well.
And I think at that, I'm going to end this really long message. I purposely waited until the end of all of this to sort of gather my thoughts, and now I finally had my chance to do just that and share it with you guys. All that's left to be said is this: Megan, I will never forget you, I will always love you, and I can't wait until we meet again. You will surely be missed by very many people (side note: I've heard that the viewing had some 700+ people attend, and the funeral 300+, that's amazing.).